A Moral Compass

Hi Mom,
Yesterday was an incredible day...yet again!
Mud, mud and more mud! Over 100, 200, who knows (we've lost count of) how many wheel-barrel's full of mud were removed from the 3 houses we emptied out and then at the schoolyard. 50 houses have been dug out in total by the local people in the past 10 days.

It's amazing to spend time with everyone. Kate is a silent leader, like the moon with a lunar pull. She's coordinated a million groups before and has so much wisdom, like you.

All your grand-kids are truly quite extraordinary in their own way as well. Heather is very funny! She has a great sense of humour. Hayley is very compassionate and easily connects with all the kids and her spanish is amazing. Kurt is a leader like I've never seen. Ryan is so easygoing it's incredible. Mark is a genius - there's no question. Mandy is simply wise beyond her years. Mitch is a magnet for making friends and making people feel good. April can work like there's no tomorrow! Taylor is very confident and talented - can she sing!

And this is barely a glimpse into what we've experienced about their personalities.

The topic of a "moral compass" came up...sort of like 'integrity'. You've raised all of us to have a strong moral compass, I think, Mom. Sure...we've all made mistakes, made the wrong decision at times, done foolish things, been young and immature....but it's interesting to be around all the kids (well - they're not kids) b/c it's so evident that we've all got that same strong moral compass from you...

(...Even if it's not listened to at times. Although I have to say that EVERYONE has been exceptional on this trip. You would be very proud.)

Love you...
crystal

A day in our lives...

...could change our lives.

Today was an incredible learning opportunity.

Learning. Experiencing much. Working hard. Getting dirty. Connecting with the local people. Having fun. Making a difference. Being together.





There were many "Grams-isms" and "Mom-isms" mentioned today! You were again here in spirit, Mom!
Love Crystal
More to come...we're all in bed early after a very big day!

Part 2:
(Early in the morning on June 11th.)
Mom - so much of who you are and what you stand for was evident yesterday:
1. working hard.
2. not being afraid to get dirty.
3. not even noticing when the rain started that could have dampened our spirits.
4. encouraging one another.
5. having the utmost of respect for the community and people.
6. knowing our own ability and pace and stopping and resting when we needed.
7. finding meaning and purpose in what we were doing (over 60 or 70...and probably more wheel barrels of mud)
8. having genuine compassion
9. being quick to find the humour in the situation - when appropriate
10. always bringing out the best in everyone

We were digging mud out of people's homes and playing with the kids (in a program they have 3 days/week). We also went on a tour of the area and met a man that lost his wife and 2 children in the hurricane in 2005 when the mudslide happpened. He saved 2 of his kids but when he went back to get his wife and other 2 kids, all he could go back to was his house that had just been covered with mud. It was heartbreaking to see his sadness still so evident 5 years later. But we also encoutered so much joy and appreciation. We dug out a family's home that had was just filled with mud (from last week) and the man of the home made a little speech after we were done...and he shook everyone's hand and proudly said thank you. It was quite extraordinary to help in some small way.

Have a wonderful day Mom.
We're all safe and sound here.
love crystal

A matter of choice...

Today...was a matter of choice, Mom.

It was a fabulous day. We woke up, had breakfast at the guesthouse all together and then got picked up in the van (a big 12 seater van) to go to the MCC office where we met Antony and Irma, who I've met every time I've come down before. They spoke about the work they are doing in the communities most in need. The foundation (of the Mennonite Central committee) is built on community development, relief in natural disasters and social justice. They spoke further and talked about how community development is the key...and within that...building relationships and education are the fundamental basis as to where to start to create and help those in need. It was very inspiring and interesting. Then we packed 50 care packages and after that...the "choice" began...

We could have gotten uptight that the van was two hours late... or that it started to rain (a downpour!)...or that the eventual bus ride was 4+ hours, not 2 - 3 hours.

But...I never heard one comment that even resembled a complaint. The guys took care of securing the bags with a tarp, when the van did arrive. The girls wrote notes to put in the care packages and then played cards.


Everyone chose to enjoy their time together and make the best of it.


You would have been proud Mom...very proud at the choices that everyone made today. You were certainly here in spirit!

Love Crystal

An Intentional Moment!

How about living intentionally in the "moment"?
Imagine the impact of actually living intentionally every moment
Not thinking of this....brushing my teeth this morning, sort of "selectively forgetting" to floss...Kate said, "Only floss the ones you want to keep."

I want to keep them all. I flossed!

An Intentional "Day"

Hi Mom,
I was talking with Kate lastnight...and we were talking about this "year" of intentional living...and she mentioned that it might be a great idea to focus, not on such a long time-frame as an entire year...but, rather, a week, or even a day.

You live like that too, I think Mom...intentional....every day...every minute.

So, that's what we are going to do.
Live intentionally here, every day, every minute...

It was a wonderful way to start the day today, seeing you on skype!

Today, we made 50 piles of rice, beans, tooth brushes, vitamins, pasta, coffee,etc. for the families we are going to visit over the next few days...like a care package. Already, just a few hours into our time here in Guatemala, we have begun to experience the magnitude of just how much so little can mean.
Thank you for teaching us the value of this...and for living intentionally...every minute, every day, every month and every year...

Love you,
Crystal

Creating little moments of joy

Hi Mom,

Like you and Gwen do so so very well...this week, in Guatemala, I'm going to focus on creating little moments of joy for the group. I'll take tons of photos for you. Everyone is so excited.

I'll write as often as I can and we'll skype you too!

Have a wonderful week.
Sorry so brief. It's 5:20 and I'm still packing!
(Apparently I have yet to learn your wisdom about packing the night before with the bags ready by the door....yes...a long way to go on that one!)
love you,
Crystal
PS new photo on a new doorstep with Gwen...in just over a week!

Take Your Soul By The Hand

I once had a dream - it was wonderful!!
I could do anything I please;
I could fly above the rooftops
on the whisper of a breeze.
I knew just what I wanted,
What I needed to be whole,
I had no fear of failure,
For I knew it in my soul.
But then things changed, for as I grew
My life was filled with learning -
With books and school and rule -and yet-
My heart was filled with yearning.
I searched to find the answers,
I searched to find my goal,
'Til it finally dawned no me -
I was searching for my soul.
We have a dream inside ourselves.
A gift to us at birth,
To guide us and protect us
On our journey on this earth.
We all have something special,
Each one of us' unique
You have to find the courage
To find the peace you seek.
So dream your dream and live your dream
Don't be afraid to try.
Just take your soul by the hand
And let your spirit fly.

Maureen Weiner



Today, as I wander in the backyard at the new house, looking at all the overgrown vines and trees and plants, I am momentarily overwhelmed with reality...the work required here, the mortgage, the increased monthly bills....

Compared to my very easy lifestyle right now, where I can just close the door and I'm away, where the yard work is minimal and the fact that my mortgage and bills are so manageable right now...I am feeling the stretch and pressure of this new home.

THe feeling is exactly the same as when I bought the hostel. I wasn't sure "how" it was going to work...I just knew that I was in the right place and had to follow where my soul was leading me.

Mom,
It's not me that is taking my soul by the hand...it's my soul that is taking me by the hand here...I think I'm just being pulled along for the ride.
Love you,
Crystal
PS Can you grab Don by the hand and please come out to visit...I don't know what's a weed and what's a flower or plant to keep.

The little things...

Hi Mom,
You're always so thoughtful with the "little things". Whether it was standing by the kitchen sink, looking for the bus, ready to holler for us to get out the door so we wouldn't miss it as it made it's way around the corner when we were in high school...or making sure we never left home empty-handed, after a visit...or those care packages once we moved further away, with perogies, jam, zucchini loaf and relish. I'm so glad that our family is into "the little things".

Today was a day filled with little things for Gwen, Rob and I. Rob lent me his truck so I could take a bunch of stuff to the garbage dump and bring some things to the new house. It was really nice of him. When I came back with a load, he was just pulling in on his motorcycle! It's very very cool! A labour of love, for sure! I jumped out to take a few photos of him on his bike. The photos just don't do it justice. You've got to see this thing, in person, Mom!


And then when i came back from another trip, I found this little rock-message (with a little rhubarb) on my front step!!

Totally thoughtful!


Mel came over to the new place today and we wandered in the back yard, a maze of trees, flowers and weeds...and a massive rhubarb plant! We sat out there, pulling the stalks off and laughing. She took the rhubarb home. Thank God b/c I'm not really sure what to do with it. Oh....how I wish you were here!

Today really was a day filled with the little things...which are really the big things in life. It makes me stop and realize how much more I want to be an initiator of those little things, take more time, slow down and create more of those moments, like you do....

I can't wait for you to come and visit Mom! The back yard is a jungle!! And you and Don are going to love the view!
love Crystal

One moment can change your life forever.

I just watched a movie tonight called "Bella". It was extraordinary! It leaves me speechless. Inspired. In awe.

The slogan for the movie is "One moment can change your life forever."

It really is true...one moment CAN change your life forever. And with 86,400 seconds, or moments, in each day...THAT moment could easily happen today, tomorrow or just about any and every day...

More to come tomorrow. I've got to go to bed.

Mom, I think you would love the movie. In the movie, someone changes the life of another...much like you change the lives of those who luckily cross your path.

I love you,
crystal

Mom, I love this message on a Starbucks cup that I read a while ago. It's another of those witty, truth-filled insights that you would come up with.

It's a also a good reminder for me to always be intentional about what I'm doing in my career. I put the starbucks quote on my fridge where I can see it every day.

I find it hard to believe some days that I've been self employed for over 12 years. I remember starting out, wondering if it was the right decision, leaving a great federal government job that had benefits, medical, dental, paid holidays and matching RRSP contributions. I can't (and couldn't) ignore the fact that my soul was slowly dying inside, in my cubicle (without a door) and stacks of files - clients that I was writing business plans and loan applications for. I wasn't there long enough to be wildly successful at it. That would take years, I think, b/c I don't believe anyone can call themselves wildly successful until someone else calls them that. Anyway, I was good at what I did but really wasn't there long enough to leave a legacy of my own.

However, I can see how easy it could be to "get locked in forever" with the mix of praise, money and opportunity...in my training group (of BDC employees from around the country that got together in Montreal for 3 months of training) the group voted me as the class valedictorian to address the group of dignitaries and graduates of the program. Me? I was the only one WITHOUT a finance degree or accounting background. I was shocked! My branch manager back in Kelowna, when he heard about it, was totally proud.

For a short time...I could see myself getting locked in...enjoying the praise and money (and benefits). Thankfully, the opportunity wasn't there. I wanted to get into training, not lending and those opportunities to teach and work with clients weren't there at that time. In retrospect, I'm so very grateful.

Anyway, Mom, I've got to tell you about my dentist... I may not have any dental coverage now that I'm self employed, but I do have the most amazing dentist! Dr. Leitch has to be the best dentist on the planet...and his team...is simply over the top! I love my dentist! Going there, while it's not my favourite thing to do, is certainly more than pleasant!

I went to the dentist last week to repair one of my teeth. I got a crack in one of my back molars (the price of having big chompers, I guess) and they put a temporary crown on it until I could go back today to get the real one. Last week, after my apt, I went home, slurring and drooling from the freezing. Later that night, Dr. Leitch (HIMSELF) called to see how I was doing and to make sure that my tooth was feeling fine. WOW! That's all I can say.

And then today, I went in for just a short apt so they could put the permanent crown in place. Everyone was and is always so pleasant. They look like they have a ton of fun at work. Dr. Leitch and his staff must have notes in his file about all sorts of things b/c they remember what we were talking about 6 months ago and what I'm up to in my work and Dr. Leitch even noticed that I got my hair cut. What business does this? Amazing!

Thinking about that Starbucks quote...yes "Success is dangerous. If you're successful at the WRONG thing...it can lock you in forever." But what if you're successful at the RIGHT thing? Then what?

Then life becomes one glorious day after another where you leap out of bed with enthusiasm, joy and a sense of purpose and contribution that could probably change the world.

That's what Dr. LEitch does. He actually seems to float around the office on some sort of perpetual high - not of the dental drugs they give you - but rather - of joy, loving his job, inspiring his team, caring for his patients...and everything in between.

At one point, I heard him exclaim with exuberance that just doesn't seem appropriate in a dentist's office, referring to my new crown, "I LIKE IT!"

He also said, as he had various sharp-tipped instruments, water and suction...all in my mouth at the same time, "Am I traumatizing you?"

Only a dentist (and a great team) that is completely intentional, totally successful at the right thing could say that. (Most dentists DO traumatize their patients.) It was a joy be in the dentists chair today...to be surrounded by perfection, joy, enthusiasm and care from the moment you arrive to the moment you leave, laughing and smiling.

How can I live intentionally here?
I'm sending Dr. Leitch and his team some of my little inspiring silver rings to say thank you. I'm not sure it's common for dentists to get thank you cards and gifts..but that's what I'm going to do.

Mom, thanks for the big chompers. And thank you for allowing and encouraging me to go out into the world and just TRY to do whatever I dreamed of, not pressuring me to take a safe route, to be successful, or to lock myself in to some kind of wrong career that might give me praise, money and opportunity...but leave my soul empty.

Thank you for teaching me that making money isn't the objective of my career...but making a difference is.

I love you,
Crystal

Obstacle Illusions

Life is full of obstacle illusions.
Grant Frazier

I read this quote the other day and thought of you, Mom. It's something you would come up with; witty, off-beat and so unbelievably rich in truth.

Life IS full of obstacles...that are mostly illusions in my mind. And when something isn't right...those illusions become so believable, so real, it's hard to know if they are imaginary or actually there. But when something IS right, there is no doubt. Period.

Just like a rainbow. It's actually there, of course. I can take a photograph of it (beaming brightly over the hostel). But it can disappear in a moment also. It's not really tangible...it's much like an illusion.

When something is right - for me - I still see the obstacles (some that are actually there and most that are just in my mind) but when something is right, there is no doubt...and I just find a way.

It goes back to commitment; that whole "98% is a bitch - 100% is easy" concept that I first heard about at an Inside Out Leadership Development program; sort of like the question, "Am I really passionate about something or just interested in it?"

Tonight, I can see the truth and reality that...
Life is full of obstacles.
Life is full of obstacle illusions.
and...Life is full...
...full of countless miracles and blessings...that are real.

They're not illusions.

Love you, Mom.
You still remain the wind beneath my wings.
Crystal

A wish for you...

Today, I learned a few things.

Yes...I grew a little! It's funny how you stretch, grow and learn through the difficult moments in life. A couple of days ago, I found myself the (only) guest at my own pity party, feeling sorry for myself.

It seems that by going through a tough day and not trying to avoid it, cover it up, pretend it didn't happen or squish it down inside to prevent it from surfacing...clarity and assurance was the gift today, on the other side of getting pulled through the eye of the needle.

My friend Mel told me that phrase, "Getting pulled through the eye of the needle". I love it! Life is sometimes like that...a pulling, uncomfortable process of going through something where you think you're not going to make it through...just like life, that can get messy sometimes.

Anyway, I had such a day of subtle epiphanies (albeit probably simple ones to many)...but today, for me, they seemed monumental. Enlightening. And powerful. For you, Mom, common sense...

I learned 3 simple truths today:
1. Never place expectations in the wrong place
2. Pay attention to who is allowed into my inner circle
3. Wishes do come true

For starters, I learned something about expectation...and how it's so important to make sure that I place expectations, appropriately, where and with whom they should be placed. Including myself.

It would be a great idea to live with high hopes and low expectations. This has even been a mantra for me in the past. It's a wonderful thought. But it's unrealistic. Expectations exist. I have them. Everyone does. Expectations placed on others and on myself.

But I learned today (just like I have learned that something can be too hot to touch...by getting burned) that it's really important to make sure I place my expectations in the right place. With the right people. Because creating any expectation, in any way, with the wrong person...only leads to disappointment.

It's as simple as that.

So...in the future, when I am struggling with something, like a couple of days ago...I'm going to do a little check within myself to see if I'm placing unrealistic expectations in the wrong place...either on myself or on others, which may be causing my uneasy feelings. I made this mistake a couple of days ago. Too much expectation where it didn't belong.

I also learned (or was reminded) that who I allow into my "inner circle" has a big impact on me in countless ways! (Inner circle could be defined as a person of influence in any way.) If someone doesn't see, support or believe in my vision, they should not be in my inner circle. Just like if I don't see or believe in or support someone else in their vision...I should not be allowed in their inner circle. I would only be holding them back. Like friends, my staff, my banker, the realtor, even the guy who cuts my hair...anyone!! Wouldn't life be so much easier and more inspiring if we were surrounded by others who shared or at least supported our vision.

The hostel is like this...and I think that's why it has been so successful. We received an email today from a past guest...which simply made my day!! It's a true indication that a common vision is so very important...

I loved my overnight stay at your hostel. Everyone seemed mellow and positive. I would stay again...Even though I am middle-aged, I appreciate the good energy and organization that your hostel has. Thanks for a nice experience.
Karen Guilbault

I met with my accountant today to look at last year's numbers. He's been my accountant for 12 years. The entire time I've had the hostel. He's been by my side since Day 1! He's been there, in my inner circle, for every up and down and even when I was audited...when the Government wrongly charged me $10,000 and we appealed..and won! We won not only because we were right but also because my accountant and I had shared the same vision for a decade! Getting back to the numbers for this past year; it wasn't out best year ever, but it was our second best - and that's pretty fabulous to me. (Mom - who would have known it could become this from this?)


Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble, Mom.

The last thing I learned, or thought about today was so simple. I is just an idea. Just a simple idea to send out a positive wish for everyone I see or am in the presence of each day. That's it. And if I have time, send a wish to all the important people in my life. Just a little thought. Just a moment of time. Make a habit of doing so. Imagine the possibilities if those wishes actually came true.

That would be very, very cool!

Tonight, I am sending out a few wishes...to you and Don to catch a few fish at the beach...and for good weather...among other warm and wonderful wishes to you and our amazing family, friends, the people in my inner circle and those outside of it.
Amelie (in the photo below) and I were emailing today about her trip to Kelowna. I'm so excited to see her that I can hardly wait. I'm so grateful that we've kept in touch, and although lots of time has passed, I'm sure our friendship will pick up just where it left off, like sisters do.


Mom, you were right. Chin up. This too shall pass.
It has. And my tub looks great! Who could ask for more?
(Well...to be honest, I would still like to relinquish the task of tub caulking to someone else (not just "someone") the next time it needs to be done...but perhaps great things come to those who wait (impatiently).

Love you,
crystal

The difference between "getting messy" and "making a mess".

Mom, this blog is supposed to be a gift for you...but I see that it has been so much a gift for me, too. Thank you. I am grateful. And I'm totally grateful for our chat today. You're simply amazing Mom. I don't know what to say. "Thank you" just could never be enough. Not in a million years.

I went to bed lastnight feeling much lighter from simply acknowledging how I was feeling...and any last tiny bits of loneliness disappeared this morning, along with remnants of feeling sorry for myself, after talking to you.

Thank you for calling Mom.

I also have to tell you...I wrote a message on facebook about tub caulking and receiving a few messages from friends also made life just seem so much brighter and back to normal. Mom, you made my day just by being there...and the rest of my day was filled with countless blessings, leaving no room for loneliness or feeling sorry for myself, at all.

I got the greatest advice from a friend, who I've only actually met, face-to-face, once, unfortunately, but what he said was so true;

Tub caulking...Not that hard if you're willing to get dirty. Maybe a metaphor for life and relationships. I sucked at caulking until I was willing to jump in and get messy.

How true this advise is...getting messy is the only way.

I was also reminded of a basic fundamental "life lesson". We all know it...but sometimes it's easy to forget.
Too much of anything really is not a good thing...when you're caulking the tub and when you're not. Less is more.

Too much caulking doesn't make it better. It just makes a mess. All over the tub and all over your hands. Getting messy is one thing...but making a mess is something different. Getting messy is a part of life - a great part of life - where growth, learning, joy and amazing moments happen. But making a mess (in life) sort of feels like when the sticky caulking is all over your hands. It's just not a good place b/c you can't touch anything, you can't get it off, you're just sort of stuck there in a sticky "paralysis". Just like worrying too much...or thinking too much...or eating too much. Not a good thing...and all you end up with is a mess in your life...hiding out or hanging out in a sort of paralysis.

From now on...less is more...
- less tub caulking
- less worrying too much {about nothing}
- less thinking too much
- less eating too much
- less mess but a whole lot more getting messy.

Mom, you would have been the first to suggest that I not cut too much off the tip of the caulking cartridge. I, however, thought I might need a lot b/c I had just pulled off all the old caulking, so I cut the end off a little more than I probably should have. You know "Less is more" in almost every area of life...and where more is better, you've probably got your measuring cup out, while I'd be free-pouring, but that's another story in itself.

Until then...and until tomorrow,
I love you.
Crystal

This, too, shall pass.

The honest truth.

Today, I am lonely.

Mom, Scotia and I are having a little "pity party". It's not really a major pity party, but still, a little one. All I can say is, thank God, these parties don't happen very often and when they do, they only last a few hours. That's enough for me.

I can see the big picture. I'm not complaining. I know I have a great life, a spectacular future, tons of faith and so many opportunities ahead of me. I know that I have the greatest family and lots of wonderful friends. I have my health, security and more than I could ever ask for in life...and I am very gratetful for all of this.

But today, I am just pure lonely.

Lonely. Lonely. Lonely.

I could surround myself with people, easily. I could call any one of a million family members or friends. But I'm not lonely for a friend to talk to. And I'm not sad. I'm just lonely. My heart is lonely for someone to love.

Well, not just "someone" though. "Someone" would be very easy to find. I don't want that. Rather, I'd like to meet someone that I truly love...that loves me... A partner to share my life with. Someone to share my dreams with and be a part in theirs. Someone that makes my heart sing. They don't have to be perfect. I'm not. But, right now, I pray and wish that the person I'm supposed to meet would find me...or I'd find them...or we'd just cross paths...and know enough to stop and pay attention.

This "someone" is someone that God (or maybe you, my close friends or sisters) think I should be with b/c, clearly, I do not know what's best for me and the choices I've made in the past have not been quite right for me. Sure, I've always gotten exactly what I wanted....only to realize quickly that what I (thought I) wanted, wasn't really what was best for me. Yes, I've had a few opportunities to meet someone, but they just have not been "the one" although I'm grateful that I've made some wonderful friends.

I'm at a loss. I'm obviously "not in the now - because I don't know what to do".

If I did know what to do, I'd say that I need to remind myself to just have faith...to not be too attached to the outcome...and just take care of the present moment...and the rest will take care of itself.

I'm taking my hands off the wheel.

The little DIVA card that I randomly drew today said, "You have everything you need within you."

It doesn't really feel like it right now.

I did have a great bike ride today and blessed few hours of packing boxes and moving them to the new house, with a lovely stop in to see Gwen. For these things, I am grateful - and blessed - and still lonely.

Did I mention that I'm also feeling sorry for myself?

I am. And I know it. I'm a little amused by this b/c I don't feel sorry for myself very often. And when I do, I don't really want to share that with anyone, but this is the truth. Today - I'm lonely and tonight, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself.

It really is quite funny. I'm almost laughing as I write this b/c somehow, simply honouring where I'm at and being so real and honest about it takes all the strength out of it. And then it just is what it is. A little lonliness. It feels good not to hide, run or avoid.

I'm still tired of doing everything alone, without a life-partner to share some of life's moments with...little day-to-day moments and BIG moments...and everything in between. And it would be nice if I didn't have to do everythign around the house...for example, I'd really appreciate it if I didn't have to re-caulk the tub. I hate doing this job. But I've got to do it. I'm selling the house and it needs to be done.

I'm being so silly.

I am trying to imagine what you would say or do, Mom.
I am certain that you'd ask, "What have you been eating? Are you eating enough protein?"

I have. I had salmon and salad for dinner.

Then, I could imagine you saying, "Well then, it's late. Go to bed. You'll feel better in the morning."

I'm sure I will. I don't really mind this lonely time...I don't like it but I don't mind it b/c I know there's a gift here somewhere...and I am sure I will recognize it at some point, just not right in this moment.

Even just writing this makes me feel better. Thank you. I know I'm not alone. I have so many people that love me. But I don't really even have a need or desire to "talk" it out. I think I just need to go through it and come out the other side. And simply allow this to pass.

"This, too, shall pass."
And a good sleep will make a world of difference.

I love you,
Crystal

PS Tomorrow, when I re-caulk the tub, I'm sure I'll feel even better.

OK, OK, I'll follow. YOU lead.

Today, I felt like I was one of these little girls in India, being "carried" or led through my day.

I showed up this morning at 8:00am and we had a fantastic day at the Flaman Fitness Bike-A-Thon. I'm not sure how much money was raised, but for a "first annual" event, it was a great success, even though the weather didn't cooperate at first. It was raining and not looking good, but so many people showed up to ride and give their pledges to the Women's Shelter and for the entire 4 hours, all 15 stationary spin bikes were occupied! Yay!!


Anyway, back to the feeling "of being led". I sort of felt like, "Why am I really here?" Truthfully, I just sort of helped out. I didn't have any real agenda or things to do. I wasn't really needed. I was just there to help where I could. Gwen and the manager of the store were in charge of everything and it all went so well. It was amazing to watch Gwen in her element - inspiring and encouraging people, creating atmosphere and making people feel good...and laugh...a lot! Her "inspiring high kicks" that she did periodically were hilarious!

I really just did my part, helped out and when the day was done, Gwen and I spent some time just visiting and working and then I left, after a wonderful day. Upon getting home, showering and grabbing something to eat, I had a nap for half an hour with Scotia and then, for some odd reason, I felt I should go to the hostel. Well, that's not it. My inner voice said the following, although I'm not entirely sure why; "OK, OK, I hear you. We're going. I have no idea why, but OK."

And with that...I grabbed my keys, a protein shake and hopped in the car to go to the hostel. Getting there, there was no urgent matter to take care of. Everything and everyone were great. I folded some towels and bathmats, visited with some of the staff and guests and was still perplexed as to why I was even there. They were having a big BBQ and everyone was getting ready for it, cutting tomatoes and bbq-ing burgers.

Then, one of the staff and I sat down and he said he really needed to talk about some things and had just been thinking of me 10 minutes earlier and wanted to connect and talk about his work situation. He has a full-time job as well as working at the hostel and it's tiring, trying to do everything. He said, that no less than 10 minutes before, he had been thinking of me, wanting to talk about his thoughts and plans.

Totally cool, weird and normal...all at the same time.

Then, a man came in, from Greece, but he didn't have a credit card. Usually, we would say no, which we did (it's our policy that everyone have a cc). But he was closer to my age or 10 years older, certainly not a transient, and simply just didn't travel with his credit card. But our policy is there for a reason. We had to say no. I directed him to the other hostel in town but said, before I could even think about it, that if they said no, to please come back. We had one bed left for the night and, if it was only for one night, something told me that we should let him stay.

Well, he left...and then came back about 30 minutes later. the other hostel said that they also required a credit card in order to stay.

So...I checked this man in, showed him around and that was that. He said thanks, as he paid for his bed and that he was grateful b/c he would have had to drive back to Vancouver, had he not been able to stay the night. I said that it was nothing...but that when he comes back during the summer, he should bring his cc.

As I come home tonight and get ready for bed, I feel like I still don't know exactly why I was led where I went today...to work with the fund-raiser this morning...or to the hostel tonight... All I do know that I was supposed to follow that something inside of me that was leading. I don't know the impact or difference I made throuh my day, but I am certain that I was where I was supposed to be.

As I say goodnight and pick a card from our "DVIA Tin of Wisdom", the card I choose is "Have patience...". (Not really the card I wanted...b/c at this moment, I'm feeling slightly impatient.)

I think we always pick the right card for the moment.

Goodnight Mom. Love you.
I think I get what today was all about; following...or being led by a higher calling and being of service to some higher good.

These are things that you do, oh so very well.
Love Crystal

Put it in a box...

Yesterday, my house went up on MLS and realtors are now calling (my realtor) to set up apt's to view my home. So...at 5 to 5pm, I packed a few things to take to the new house and crossed my fingers as I left the house.

My home looks gorgeous!! You can see it, Mom, on the realtor website. Go to www.mls.ca and type this # 10009452 which is my MLS #.

My office area was a bit cluttered with papers and stuff on my desk...so I put all my "current" stuff in a box. Not to forget about. But to compartmentalize...and get out of sight for the realtors and their clients. I could not dismantle Scotia's tent (she loves to sleep under the blanket in the chair.) But, it felt good to have a clean desk!

(Who knew?)

And then lastnight, I opened the box and started working on or dealing with the various contents, one piece at a time, rather than just looking at a pile of stuff on my desk and feeling sort of overwhelmed. It was easy...b/c I could only pick out the item at the top. One at a time. Easy!

This is a pretty good concept...one that I think you live by often, Mom.

"Put it in a box." It might be a bunch of things to look at or go through (in which case...I remember, when we were young, the box going to one of the far bedrooms, back closet or down to the cooler to deal with later). But it also might be emotions or something else to deal with. In the Dale Carnegie course I took when I was 21 (Don paid for it - that was so AMAZING of him!), I remember learning, "Live in day-tight compartments." Live, sort of, in the present moment and only deal with what you are dealing with - in that moment. Let other things wait (in a box or compartment) until a better time to deal with it - so we don't get overwhelmed...and then unable to deal with anything.

Put it in a box...not to forget about...but to manage and deal with in an easier fashion. I can do that!

Today, we have Tour de Flaman at the fitness store! It's going to be a fantastic day! I'll send photos later.

For now, here are a couple quotes that I found, that I really liked. But I like yours best...about the mushroom!

Love you,
Crystal

If you are in the now, you'll know how. Baron Baptiste

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Rumi

Windows, doors and walls....

I'm reading a book right now by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author or Eat, Pray, Love...a famous true story that told the experience of how she went travelling for one year: to Italy, India and then Indonesia... to find her spirit and spend time in each place to indulge (Italy), be in a place and space of devotion (India) and then to Bali, to find the balance between the two. It was a great book...and this one is too.

I read the following and will never forget it.

In her new book, "Committed", Elizabeth Gilbert mentions a lady by the name of Dr. Glass. Dr. Glass came up with an analogy for communication that was so amazingly simple, clear...and profound.

It's funny how the most profound things are so very simple!

Anyway, the concept is about how, in communication, we have windows and doors (spaces we can freely open where life is "personal") and these windows and doors are reserved for our closest friends, families and partners. Then there are walls (like in a house) where nothing passes through. It's not personal. Walls are built (and should be) between acquaintances, strangers, etc.

The problem in communication, and in relationships, according to this psychologist, is when we start making windows where there should be walls and boarding up windows to become like walls, where there should be windows.

After reading this little excerpt, I stopped and thought about my past friendships and relationships...where I definitely boarded up a few windows and doors and cut a few holes in walls to make windows where I shouldn't have.

As I pack this weekend and move some things over to the new house (to store in the garage), I'll look at all the windows, doors, walls and that amazing view a little differently.

Mom - you didn't make up this analogy but it reminds me of your simple, profound truths that you often come up with.

I love you.
Have a wonderful day!
love your #8, Crystal

I can't see them, but I can feel them.

When something isn't quite right or when something needs attention...there are usually warning signs...red flags.

The seat-belt buzzer goes off when we're not buckled in.
The oven timer goes off when my world-famous cookies are finished baking.(Well..actually YOUR world-famous cookies...it's your recipe, Mom.)
The water in my bathtub or sink goes out the safety drain and doesn't overflow.
My guitar tuner flashes red...until I've tuned it correctly and then the green light appears.

These are just little signs or red flags. The greatest of all "red flags" is not so much what I see or hear...it's how I feel.

Mom, I did not bite his head off. I didn't go. I was to meet my mortgage broker today at 1:00pm to sign off on the mortgage and commit to the broker that I will use them for the contract. By noon I was feeling sort of sick. Not physically but in my gut. That unsettled, uneasy feeling. I knew "something" wasn't right, but I could not identify it with exact clarity.

As I was doing my last-minute preparation and getting ready to leave to do a few errands and go see the broker, I decided to email them and ask again for an answer to a question that I had asked several times before but had not gotten an answer on. The polite "I don't want to make waves." and "I really don't like confrontation." side of me figured I would just deal with things and didn't want to get into a discussion with the broker, especially since I did bite his head off the other day (which I apologized for several times today on the phone). I figured that the interest rate was so low, it would all work out. I wanted a "home LOC", not a conventional mortgage and he never got back to me on this, even after a few emails.

I just could not shake that uneasy, unsettled feeling inside of me. I decided to look objectively at the situation...look at the logical facts only...not be swayed by my annoyance and frustration with the lack of clarity, the 6 days they were having email issues and couldn't receive a basic file from my realtor, not answering my questions, etc....

I reviewed all the email and correspondence we had had.

It was then that I noticed the initial letter of offer for the mortgage. I had not opened the file b/c we had discussed it's contents on the phone...I opened it and realized that it was not even my information. It was information on someone else (a LOT of personal information), perhaps a different client. The broker had sent me the wrong letter of offer. I'm not sure where my letter of offer was...but this was not my letter.

Mistakes happen. But not this many. It was just too much.

It all became clear to me in that instant.

In my gut, I didn't trust this person's credibility or ability. I was worried that something was going to go side-ways in my dealings and I feared that I'd lose the house b/c the financing was not arranged properly and in time for my possession date.

In that moment, I made a commitment to me - to honour how I feel and honour the red flags that my intuition had been throwing to me.

I emailed the broker and said I could not meet him and we subsequently had a conversation on the phone about all the things that led to my decision.

Immediately, that feeling of calm, drama-free ease came over me. The sick feeling in my stomach was gone.

Immediately.

It was astounding.

Tonight, as Scotia and I get ready for bed, after baking a birthday cake for someone at the hostel and smile about the afternoon spent with Gwen at her work...along with the clarity gained today, not by "seeing" red flags in my life, but rather by "feeling" them, I am reminded, yet again, that there just might be angels all around me...on a daily basis...watching over and guiding me along this journey called life.

My necklace says "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." I have an inspirational ring that says "commitment" that I wear as well to remind me that I need to be committed to me...and my dreams.

Mom, today was a great reminder to simply pay attention to all the red flags I see, feel and hear....and to only act on what "feels" right insde my gut.

You have the best sense of intuition of anyone I know. Today, thank you for lending me these gifts of yours...and thank you for sending all these angels my way...I can't see them but I can certainly feel their presence.

Love Crystal

BEING present.

"What is it that so many people find enchanting in animals?

Their essence - their BEING - is not covered up by the mind, as it is in most humans.

And whenever you feel that essence in another, you also feel it in yourself. Every being is a spark of the Divine or God. Look into the eyes of another and see their innermost core.

Love is a deep empathy with the other's "Beingness". You recognize yourself, your essence, in the other. You are not separate from the whole. You are one with the sun, the earth, the air.

You don't have a life.

You are life."

Eckhart Tolle and Patrick McDonnell

Mom - When I read this, I thought of you. I know the short excerpt is talking about pets...and their "essence" and how, as humans, we are often hidden beneath layers (of stories we make up) in our minds and are rarely present.

Mom, YOU are enchanting, magnetic, because of your essence, your "being" present. You truly are a "spark of the Divine". Everyone who knows you would agree. Spending even just a few minutes on the phone with you helps me recognize myself and my essence b/c you are so connected to yours and so completley present.

Thank you.
I love you,
Crystal
PS This is one of my favourite photos of you (and Don). I can't wait to get to the beach this summer where all there is to do is just simply "be" and be present.

A lesson in humility and taking responsibility

Mom,
The "May Long Weekend" has just rolled by and the hostel was at it's finest, every bed filled, the yard looking great with flowers galore and a wonderful new team of staff. Every year, this weekend, I am reminded of 3 very lovely girls that came to the hostel 9 years ago (I can't believe it's been 9 years) and wanted to stay. The hostel was full at that time as well but we lived just across the street and I wanted to help these 3 lovely girls - so they put up their tent in our back yard and we strung Christmas lights up so they could see if they had to come inside the house during the night to go to the washroom. Then, when the hostel had space a couple days later, they moved over and stayed there.

These 3 amazing girls; Elizabeth, Flavie and Claudia, ended up working at the hostel...and it was probably one of the best summer's ever! I don't have photos to show (it was before digital) but I can remember this time, as if it were yesterday. You've met these girls years ago when you were here.

It's hard to believe that one idea (pitching a tent in the back yard) led to a ripple effect that lasted years. It probably affected how the hostel even is today b/c that particular summer brought other travelers (who ended up working at the hostel) likely b/c of these 3 girls...Amelie was one of those travelers. She ended up managing the hostel for a year and a half! And then friends of friends and brothers/sisters of all these amazing people would come and work summer after summer!

It's quite incredible how one moment in time can have a huge impact on the future!

Flavie sent me an email yesterday and it amazes me that they would even remember their summer, 9 years ago, let alone keep in touch. I'm so grateful.

It makes me think about the importance of being my best, going out of my way, trying just a little harder, every day.

Yesterday...I was not my best!

I had a lapse in judgement and bit someone's head off. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was justified, but then again, it's never justified.

The broker that I'm getting the mortgage from (for the new house) has taken since May 16th, 6 days, to deal with his email issues and get paperwork to his lender.

It should not and cannot take 6 days to sort out email issues from a client's perspective.

I had been waiting all week for a firm answer on the financing b/c I signed off on the new house yesterday - without a firm answer from him - b/c he didn't the paperwork to his lender on time.

So...while it's sort of a comedy of errors on his part, this entire process - from the start, I had no right to bite his head off now. I had no right to express my frustration even when he kept making excuse upon excuse, being the victim, never taking responsibility for his part in any of what has happened. That's what really got to me. Whether it was email problems or several other things that had happened, he never took responsibility for all the stuff going on, on his end.

That's what was so frustrating.

And so I bit his head off.

NOT GOOD! NO MATTER WHAT! NEVER DO THAT! I KNOW BETTER!

So...today I am left feeling not so great b/c I shouldn't have expressed my frustration. At the same time, it reminds me even more that, in life, it's up to me to take responsibility for everything in my life. Always. And not play some sort of victim role. If it's in my life, I created it. Email issues are not someone elses issues. They're mine. And I'm responsible.

Mom, you taught us to never play the victim role and to always take responsibility. You also taught us that it was wrong to bite someone's head off, which I now must apologize for!

Today, I humbly look at taking responsibility for everything in my life (after all, I chose to work with this person) and reevaluate and reassess why I allowed my frustration to show, when I clearly knew better.

As I pack boxes and get to work today, I know I would probably have made a number of decisions differently - from who I chose to work with in the first place to how I responded in this situation.

One thing I know for sure: Biting someone's head off is never the answer!
Thanks for this lesson in humility and responsibility!
Today is a new day and an opportunity to do my best, b/c yesterday, clearly was not!

Crystal

Beauty, Kindness and Calm

It's 5:48am and the sun is shining...outside and inside!

Beauty:
After spending about 3 hours outside (yesterday afternoon) cutting the grass, blowing and picking up the little seeds from the trees, weed-whacking, sweeping, watering the plants and tidying the garage a little more, I just took my coffee and went on a little walk around the yard to admire the beauty that surrounds me.

Kindness:
Lastnight, Anne called from Manitoba (The owner of the new house.). She asked me to check to see if her trees are being watered by the neighbour. I said that we would water them, if the neighbour isn't. I asked her if we could put some things in the garage. She replied without hesitation. "That would be good. You can keep an eye on my place then." The kindness and trust she has expressed is simply over the top! Being able to move some things to her garage will be so helpful b/c I have to de-clutter my house a bit...and to be quite honest, it's so exciting to go over there and just "be" there. I walked into the house last week, to meet the inspector (so the door was open b/c he was already there) and it was like coming home!
Calm:
As I woke up with the sun this morning, I felt this wonderful sense of calm. A sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Scotia was purring right beside me, waiting for my eyes to open. There's lots of things I'm not sure about but I've got this feeling that I'm on my right path these days and that feels amazing. I read once that intuition means "unconscious knowing". I know when my intuition is talking to me...telling me to re-evaluate or choose a different path...it makes me feel unsettled...throwing up tiny red flags into the air within my mind...OR...it is calm, quiet, peaceful...silently confirming that I'm on my right path. That's how it feels right now. In my life, I have seen the red flags and felt that unsettled feeling before every major decision in my life...and then, shifting direction, this sense of quiet calm...peace...takes over.

Today, living intentionally helps me see all the beauty that surrounds me; kindness that leaves me in awe; and a sense of calm that silently confirms that I'm on my right path.

Mom - thank you for all the beauty, kindness and calm that you created in our lives. You taught us that there is beauty everywhere - in the simple things - that kindness to others, strangers or friends, is expressed without question or hesitation - and you lived your life, for us, making sure that everything was as calm and peaceful as possible, when we were growing up (when it could have been anything but calm).

How lucky are we?

VERY!

You are amazing Mom.
I love you.
Crystal