"If you build it...they will come."

Welcome to Paraiso Suerte!
It means Fortunate Paradise!



This is going to be the name of the vacation rental in the lower level.

I'll take more photos after the first guests leave in 2 days!!! It's not really finished yet...but I think they will come!

Field of Dreams is one of my favourite movies and the line "If you build it, they will come." has become a mantra for me over my lifetime thus far.












I hope and pray that they will come...and that this will all work out. I have faith that I'm being called here and that this is where I'm supposed to be.

Mom - your faith and conviction remind and teach me what I need to do and be to create what I envision.

Thank you!
I love you!
I'll call you tomorrow after biking the Ironman route!
Pray for tailwinds!
Love crystal

It's all coming together!

Mom,
I found it! Exactly what I was looking for!
This coffee table is from Mexico. It's rustic, heavy, sooooo cool and exactly what I was looking for!
I thought you'd like it!
The store also had those Mexican chairs....you know...the rounded ones with the leather and wood...like we had on the farm. Next month, I'm going to get a few of those for the deck! You're going to LOVE it!
Love you,
Crystal
PS I have my fist customers TONIGHT!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It goes by so quickly!

Yes...time goes by so fast!
Mom, here are a couple photos from the trip to Guatemala a few months ago with some old photos of when the grand-kids were young! Wow!! How quickly time passes!

























It makes me think about this year...the time has gone by so quickly!

There's only 26 days until the Ironman.
21 weekends until the end of the year.
20 weeks until everyone is home for Christmas and your birthday!
12 weeks until you come and visit!!
and never enough time to accomplish all that I plan to in a year, month or even a day...

Thinking of how time passes so quickly reminds me of something you do daily to maximize your time...you quietly focus on what ever it is that you are doing until it's done.

It's that simple.

Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus! Right HERE. Until it's done.

Today, was a simply extraordinary day. It was a near-perfect day for many reasons.

One of the great parts of my day was spent picking weeds in the garden (at the old house). I found myself jumping from this area to that area, back and forth, enjoying myself but a little unfocused. When I realized that I was sort of just jumping around, picking a weed here, a weed there, etc. I stopped. I stopped and focused in just where I was. Slowly. Focusing. Until it was done.

Thank you for the subtle ways you come to my mind Mom and for always inspiring me to be a little "more" every day...helping me to become a little more than I was when I woke up this morning.

I love you.
Crystal

Mom!

Mom, there are angels everywhere...often disguised as friends! The couches have magically been taken away!
What do you think (minus the coffee table - it's temporary)?
Love you.
Love my friends!
Crystal

It really is actually a choice.

Hi Mom,
Sorry I missed writing you yesterday!
In the past couple of days, I've been working on the house and getting the vacation rental organized. I'm excited about all of this but it's getting tiring, Mom. Not physically...but mentally and emotionally. I'm doing OK with the stress of the house not selling but, to be honest, it is wearing on me. I know life isn't always easy, and I was prepared for things to take time. I have savings and I'm fine. But it's all the other little things..like having to water the grass everywhere (old house, new house, and the fruit trees, etc)...or still having to move a few boxes and items from this house or that house...or getting the big old couches out of the new house...or...or...or....!
Look at this couch...it'll take a half-ton truck to move it all! I wish I had been more firm when I moved in b/c there's at least 2-3 loads of stuff that was left here that isn't mine and that I don't want. (Note to self for next time!)

But at the same time, I look around and the stuff I've collected and bought...and really have faith that my quirky style and what I can create down here is going to be a welcomed retreat for people and the vacation rental will be amazing!

I got these leather couches on castanet (classified section on the internet for Kelowna)...and YES...it really is a bean-bag chair! How cool is that...and what about this table!!

...apparently, I'm bigger than I thought! :)


This is my favourite picture!


I've always wanted a B&B and in a way, this is sort of like that.
Except that I don't have to cook...which is good...b/c my omelets look like scrambled eggs. If I could just have a "Bed and Bake" instead of a Bed and Breakfast...that would be OK! I can bake like there's no tomorrow...I definitely got that from you, Mom!

I love you, Mom!
Can't wait for you to come out! You're going to love the house!!
Miss you.
Hi to Don.
Love Crystal

They called them crazy...

Lately, I've been listening and looking for new music to run to and I came across this country song that just might be the best country song I've ever heard in the last while.

Love Like Crazy - by Lee Brice

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen's too young to know what loves about
They've been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yea that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say pull up a seat
It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything
Be a best friend, tell the truth,
and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy
They called him crazy when he quit his job
Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft
They paid like crazy

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when they started out
They've been together fifty-eight years now

Aint that crazy?

Mom, this song reminds me of you, because I'm sure that the same was said of you and dad when you were young...
- starting a family of 10 kids
- and a big business
- and then when you moved 5 of the kids into Regina on your own
- or when you pulled all of us out of school to go down to Mexico in a motor home for months
- or a million other moments when you attempted and did what others might of thought as crazy....

You inspire me every day Mom. Just thinking of you makes me feel stronger. When "they call me crazy", I just think of you and instantly feel more confident because, I know, and I feel that you're right there....shaking your head, smiling, and deep-down, believing in me.

Thank you for always believing in me, and even when you called me crazy, I know that you have been secretly proud (at least I think so) of me and supporting me with your thoughts and prayers.

Right now, as I'm surrounded by my furniture that we moved to the new house yesterday...I feel this crazy little feeling of excitement and enthusiasm. Yes, my house still needs to sell...and it will have to sell without my furniture in it b/c I want to start living my life here in the new house, getting settled...creating my home...

I can't think of all the times I've been called me crazy in my life...

Most of the time they were right.

- How could I quit my job with the land development company (when we were broke) in 1996 b/c it wasn't fulfilling and I wanted to find something more rewarding? That was crazy! It was nice of the company to hire me back at a huge pay increase...until I quit a second time b/c it really wasn't fulfilling and I wanted to find my calling! I learned there that no amount of money is enough to make me do something that I'm not inspired to do. (A very great life-lesson!)
- How on earth could the BDC hire me with no banking experience (I think they were crazy!). It was a great fit for a while, until it wasn't any more...and then we drove by the hostel that was for sale. Now that, that was crazy! Learning business skills at the BDC was the missing piece for me in my own business success. I'm forever grateful for the BDC and that opportunity.
- Biking across the country with Carla and Gwen. Yeah, that was crazy...but those 7906km taught us more than we could possibly have imagined!

It makes me smile to daydream and think of all the times that people thought we were crazy! Sometimes, I've done those crazy things on my own...but the more I think about it, it was always an adventure with someone else. And that's probably the secret....if we have someone (a friend, partner, sister) to attempt those crazy ideas with...it's not so crazy...and if it is...and other people are calling us crazy, it doesn't matter b/c we have eachother...and it doesn't feel crazy, when you are with another.

All of these experiences and countless more have made us who we are.
And isn't that amazing! Aint that crazy!
Mom, thank you for not listening when they called you crazy...and thank you for encouraging me when they call me crazy!

I love you, Mom!!
Can't wait to hear how the weekend went!
Love Crystal
PS How 'bout those Riders!!!

Back On Higher Ground

Mom, your girl's back!!

On the mend, with my neck 75% better...thanks to caring friends, family and chiropractors who's gifts lay in their hands. I'm also a little humbled and quieted by the fact that life can truly change on a dime...with even just an odd sleep that misaligned my neck, which put me out for just a couple of days...virtually nothing compared to the impact that a serious illness or accident would have on someone.

I am grateful.

This morning I was listening to a great song by Van Morrison called Whenever God Shines His Light. It's a totally up-beat wonderful song, very fitting for this morning as I wake up and feel so fortunate in so many ways.

Whenever God Shines His Light

Whenever God shines his light on me
Opens up my eyes so I can see
When I look up in the darkest night
I know everything's going to be alright
In deep confusion, in great despair
When I reach out for him he is there
When I am lonely as I can be
I know that God shines his light on me
Reach out for him, he'll be there
With him your troubles you can share
If you live the life you love
You get the blessing from above
He heals the sick and heals the lame
Says you can do it too in Jesus name

He'll lift you up and turn you around
And put your feet back on higher ground

Reach out for him, he'll be there
With him your troubles you can share
You can use his higher power
In every day and any hour
He heals the sick and heals the lame
Says you can do it too in Jesus name

He'll lift you up and turn you around
And put your feet back on higher ground.

Gwen said to me a couple days ago, when she came over to give me some stuff for my neck, that "I know it feels like the end of the world...but it's really not. In a few days, you'll fee much better."

She was right. It did (temporarily) feel like the end of the world...when I couldn't sit up without holding my head or lay down without bracing my neck...but it wasn't the end of the world. And in just a few days...I do feel much better. Almost back to myself. Back on higer ground.

This year has been a wonderful year of connecting with you here, Mom. A wonderful year to learn and think about all your wisdom and life-lessons that you've taught us over the years.

One thing I'm constantly being reminded of are 3 simple lessons:
1. To have patience.
2. To have faith.
3. To let go of control in my life.

Learning these things has been so calming (although I don't think I'm done learning these things, by any stretch, yet), but it's been so amazing to let go, to just have faith that everything will work out and to have patience.

A friend said that I'm so different than I was a year ago. So much more calm. I think I am.

More calm. More confident. More at peace. More fulfilled. And definitely less interested in keeping up with what I used to "think" I should be or do.

It does feel so good to be back...with my feet (and neck) on higher ground.

Mumsy, I love you.
Have a wonderful weekend with everyone!!!!
Love Crystal

Life really is so very simple!

I found this on the internet the other day and loved it!

How simple life is...

...a little flow chart of choices; nothing complicated; that lead to certain results; and if you're happy (or not) with those results, either keep doing what you're doing or change it.

Life can be so simple.
Life can be so gloriously uncomplicated.
And happiness is really just a breath away.

Tonight, I feel very happy and content. My neck seems to be getting better after two chiro apt's today, Gwen's massage lastnight, extra-strength advil and other stuff Gwen gave me and a good shot of whiskey.
(Mom, I'm kidding about the whiskey!)

But I'm serious about needing my momma the past day and it was so wonderful to speak with you today!

I love you very much!
Thank you for showing me that life is so very simple...or that it can be...and for beign there when I need you!
Love Crystal

Trust.

When there is nothing else I can do...I just have to trust.

Trust life.
Trust that things happen for a reason in the bigger picture.
Trust that I have enough time.
Trust the people around me.
Trust that the body really is a miracle, capable of healing itself.
Trust. Trust. Trust.

And then make the most of the present situation.

Mom, I woke up today, hoping my neck would be better. I lay down last night for 2 hours and then went to the grocery store at 8pm to buy some advil and an ice pack. I've never taken advil before so it must be serious. The healtfood store anti-inflammatory didn't work (that I noticed) but the lady there was very nice (I know her well) and when I told her I hurt my neck, she was very consoling (I am a poor baby) and I found myself saying "I just want my momma!" and almost burst into tears.

Ahh, hemm...perhaps I am a bit of a drama queen. :) One thing is for sure. I DO NOT LIKE BEING INJURED! I can handle being sick but I do not like being injured at all!

Anyway, I went to Save On and bought some ice-gel packs and then Gwen came over and rubbed my neck a bit. She's an angel in disguise. We had a good visit, and she went home with a big bowl of cherries that I bought the other day. It's been wonderful living so close to each other.

When I was laying down last night, I was wondering why my neck could be sore and what I could be doing about it...

...It's not the time to pack in my Ironman stuff yet, so don't get your hopes up, Mom! But I did come up with the realization that I just have to trust that this is all for a bigger benefit...and that so much good can come out of everything, no matter what it is. It's a choice, of course, and I just have to choose to trust.

I am sure that's what you have done all your life....Trusted.
Trust in life.
Trust that things happen for a reason in the bigger picture.
Trust that you have enough time to do all that you needed to do, with 10 kids and so much going on.
Trust the people around you.
Trust that your body (and the bodies of your kids and grand-kids) really are a miracle, capable of healing itself when they are injured or sick.
Trust. Trust. Trust.

This morning, rather than get upset that my neck doesn't feel any better, I decided to take my coffee outside and water the trees. Anne told me that I have to water the leaves. I didn't know. So, with my coffee in hand, I spent half an hour watering the trees and loving every moment, trusting that my neck will get better soon.

Love you,
Crystal
PS I want my momma!
PPS It's only day 2 of being slowed down by a sore neck, but, to be completely honest, this is not just a pain in the neck, it's a real pain in the ass!!

A Little Reminder

This morning I received a little reminder...a reminder that my health is the most important thing in life.

Without our health, life becomes very challenging, difficult, painful, energy-consuming and stops me from doing what I want to do.

I woke up with a kink in my neck. It is only a kink in my neck. Nothing serious. Nothing major. Time will heal it and I'll be just fine in a day or two. But today, it's all I can think about. I can't move very fast, my neck is sore and I have to lift my head with my hand so I can get up from bed. I went to the chiropractor right away this morning and they aligned the vertebrae but the muscles are spasming and so tight that I can't really move or look to the left very well.

This is totally minor but it is affecting everything I do today and this is a huge reminder for me, not just a little reminder, of how important our health is.

Today, living intentionally is a not-so-gentle reminder of the importance of taking care of my health.

Mom, can you please make it go away?
(Yes, I know, I'm a poor baby!)

Love you,
Crystal
PS I had coffee with Anne today and we had a wonderful visit and talk about all sorts of things. She's truly a wonderful lady. We met at the Zellers coffee shop and had coffee (certainly not Starbucks strength) and I had to have a little piece of blueberry pie. Anne insisted. So...it's two treats this week, not one.

And apparently we're getting together next week to have coffee and I'm making cherry pie. (I'm going to need to call you for some advice on this one, Mom!)

Scrub the corners

Today I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the corners of two of the bathrooms at the hostel with a scrub brush.

And I loved every moment!

I spent about 40 minutes scrubbing two bathrooms, from top to bottom, while working from 7am - 1pm in the hostel! It was fabulous! Better than fabulous, actually! It was truly fulfilling...to clean, scrub, wash, chat with customers, help them and teach a girl from Korea to make pancakes and have her laugh at my broken-Korean words... not to mention my terrible french on the phone to a French-speaking person who wanted to make a reservation.

I felt joy. I shared joy. I inspired joy.

The time flew by...b/c I was so busy trying to do my best...so busy scrubbing the corners...and so busy making the most of every moment.

Mom, it reminds me of how you used to teach us and tell us "how" to do things (not "what" to do...but rather, how to do things). You were never into a quick-clean. If we were to do anything, it should be done thoroughly...without major short-cuts or half-done tasks.

It's been the best year on record for the hostel and it is entirely due to the team...who do the most increidble job...b/c they scrub the corners...not just in the bathrooms, but in their daily actions...whatever they do, they seem to do things so very thoroughly...with great joy, no matter what it is that they are doing...and that attracts the customers that seem to come and never want to leave.

The creator and instigator of this amazing team is David, my Australian brother, who continues to absolutely leave in awe with his skills, ability and by simply being just who he is!

It's another day that is going by, and yet again, I find myself saying thank you. Not for a healthy body today and tailwinds...but thank you to my team, who truly amaze me and humble me with their work ethic, joy-filled natures and corner-scrubbing talents.

Mom, you would love the scrub brushes (small ones, just like you have) that get in the corners so easily!

I love you.
Crystal

Thank you...

Yesterday, I said at least one hundred "thank you's" as I rode 150km around the Ironman bike loop.

To start it off, Anne arrived just as I was leaving the house at 7:00am to drive to Penticton. She wanted to come and putter in the yard. (Who was I to say no? After all, it will always be her house, too.) I did buy a bunch of snacks and left thank you notes for her...but I couldn't stay and help. I had to go and ride the course.

When I got home, I am not sure who worked harder - me on my bike for 6 hours...or Anne in the back yard! The yard is almost caught up and I am so grateful to her for helping me. I was overwhelmed, to say the least, before she arrived.

All the black dirt is now visible after we (OK, mostly Anne) picked the dead early-summer wilfdlowers and plants, weeds, etc. Where ever you see black dirt...Anne's been there in teh past couple of days, doing her magic! Now, the jungle isn't a jungle any more...it's a little orchard paradise!

There's only a little left to finish in this corner and I can do that!

As I went to sleep lastnight, I was replaying the rest of the day in my mind as well, thinking about all the things I am thankful for. There's nothing like a 6 hour bike ride to bring me back to "myself" and remind me of all that I am thankful for.
On the bike ride, in the 5th hour, that's the part where you and all the family were cheering (in my first race) with Kate and her red sweater lower down the long slow climb...and you and everyone else up higher near the top (at Yellow Lake).
This is the photo that Carla took in that race when all of you were cheering on that hill.

On my training rides, it is where I always say my "thank you's" b/c it's the last difficult part. Once I've made it up this hill, the last hour is easy on the bike and I get to continue my thank you's there, too, as I fly down the hills back into Penticton at 50-60km/hour.

All day, on the ride, I found myself saying thank you to to the people in my life, who give me that tail-wind every day, which also, seemed to push us along on the bike ride, too. (Mom, thank you for that little tailwind...I'm sure it was from you.)

I was really nervous about the ride, considering my minimal training, but it was a perfect day. The first two hours, went by so fast, and then the climb at Richter pass seemed to give me more energy, rather than take it. The 4th hour felt like a little game, going up and down the 7 rolling hills and then we got to the Yellow Lake hill which was very hard, but proved to show me what I'm made of, and not what I'm not. (Thankfully).) And the last hour...well, that's a gift in itself, b/c you barely have to pedal for about 45 minutes. When we finished, we went for a swim, had a huge lunch and drove home, tired and thankful.

As I was going up the hills, I noticed how they look so big from far away, but when you get closer, the hills seem to disappear and the road unfolds to be less daunting than it originally appeared to be. Every hill, when I look at it from afar, looks so BIG...but as I get closer, it seems to sort of disappear and before I know it, I'm half way up it, almost by surprise.

I guess it's that way in life, too. From far away, anything and everything (like the back yard) seem so big and daunting...but up close, little by little, the mountains disappear once we just get started.

Lately, I am finding myself in the middle of things, not really sure how I got there, but so grateful for how things always seem to work out. It seems that I'm not really "driving my own bus", and I'm sort of just along for the ride. It feels great to not be so in control of everything, and instead, just holding some kind of vision and faith that things will work out how they are meant to.

Mom, I love you. Thank you for teaching me to just get started when things seem unsurmountable. Thank you for being there with me out on the ride! And thanks for the tailwind. You remain the wind beneath my wings, always.
Love you,
Crystal
PS Let me know what you think of the yard!!

Anne is 76, to be exact. And she worked me over yesterday! We spent about 3 hours in the yard and turned the jungle into more of the little paradise that it is.

I could barely keep up.

While we were out in the yard, Mom, sometimes we didn't talk, sometimes Anne talked and sometimes I asked questions.

Anne was a welder for 35 years. She met her husband Don while working there. She said he was the smartest person she ever knew. She shared with me a lot about her life and past and dropped all sorts of "life wisdom" into our conversation...

I'll write more about this tonight...I'm biking the ironman route today with some friends.

Sorry to be so brief Mom. I had to go (really - I did!) to the Salsa Saturday dance lastnight (OMG did I have fun!) and then went to sleep as soon as I got home to get a good sleep for today...Can't wait to send you photos of the yard and tell you about the past couple days of living intentionally...

The only sad part of the past couple days are the Riders! :( Next time! We can't win 'em all!

I love you Mom!
Crystal

I'm going to help you now...and then you're on your own, kid.

This is Anne.

She's the lady that I bought the new house from. She's almost 80. And she's quite amazing.

She came over yesterday for zucchini/carrot loaf, coffee and a visit. Well, and also to show me a few things around the house.
- there are underground sprinklers that I didn't know about. Who knew!
- there are other details that are so good to know like how the water system works, the various switches, the vacuum, (the only other time I've had central vac was at home in your house Mom!), etc.

Then we went out to the garden, which really is a jungle. She immediately started pulling, cutting, and snipping plants as we chatted. I followed along after her, pulling the same things (that I thought were flowers but really are weeds), snipping and cutting, too. We chatted, laughed, I listened and as we wandered around teh garden, I couldn't help but admire her for all her work that she's done here when she owned the house and for creating such a wonderful paradise that I now get to appreciate and enjoy.

As she was getting ready to go, she handed me the blueprints for the house and said, "If you need anything, call me or look on these prints." Then, as we hugged goodbye, she said, "OK, I'm going to come back this week, and do some work in the yard, whether you're here or not...and then you're on your own, kid."

I stood on the step waving goodbye to Anne as she drove away, with her big pink glasses and smile, feeling very grateful that I'm never really left on my own.

There seem to be angels (disguised as friends, sisters, Anne, and my Mom) all around me. I am blessed.

Mom, I love you. You've said this to me before too...."________ and then you're on your own!!" The first part could have been any one of a million things you've done to help me get on my feet...so you could send me on my way, on my own. I am so grateful for you. Love you, Mom!

Crystal
PS: Anne said to tell you that you should move out here so you can come and take care of all this fruit! The pears and peaches are looking incredible on the trees!

Nutrition - the missing link!

"Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are."
- Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I eat well...enough.

Really, what I should say is that "I exercise...enough...to maintain a relatively fit/healthy body."

But I don't really eat well enough, for my own standards and my own expectations of where I want to be, what I want to look like and what I want to do, with sports.

I am realizing that it's not so much exercise that makes the difference in that last 10% of what I want to achieve....it's nutrition. Nutrition is the missing link! And I've got it all wrong in some ways in this department!

A couple weeks ago, I went to a personal trainer to talk about nutrition and food. I learned that so much of what I thought was correct, was really way off base! I learned about proper food combining, balanced meals (Mom, um...err...well...you were right about a lot of this) :) and I learned stuff that I really should have known long ago, considering my past races and everything.

In spite of myself, I've done pretty well and have had lots of energy to burn over the years...but if I could only master the nutrition component...maybe then, I really could bottle this energy and sell it, like so many people have asked me to do. haha.

Seriously, today is the day...to step up, make a commitment and really see what I'm made of! The Ironman race is coming up sooner than I'd like it to...and the next 5 weeks are going to be BIG! in every way!

So...here we go!
For the next 30 days, I'm going to eat only healthy things...balanced meals...proper foods...and we'll see what happens! No treats or chocolate - except for once/week. (That "no chocolate" stint I did a few months ago was crazy! Even one treat/week would have been a glorious reward...and would probably have made that little challenge go by a LOT easier!)

Yesterday I read something cool in a book - I can't remember it exactly but it said something like this: There are 6 real doctors in the world...and they are...diet and exercise, clean air and water, sunshine and sleep. It was from a nursery rhyme. I think it's true. If we incorporate all of these things...we will be healthy! I'd add a couple more...something to hope for and someone to love.

Mom, I thought you should know...you were right about that whole, protein, vegetable, carbohydrate thing...carbs really are not bad and apparently all these things should be eaten together at meals. Oh yeah, and about that oatmeal stuff that you used to make that I despised...I'm supposed to learn to like it!

Sorry I missed writing you yesterday!
I love you,
Crystal

“Food is never just food. It's also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been and who we want to be.”
— Molly Wizenberg

Am I awake...or am I only dreaming?

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Carl Jung

The following idea of feeling two kinds of "tiredness" came to me tonight as I lay on the floor, completely tired, physically and mentally, yet so happy at the same time. When I read this quote (above), it was easy to understand how and why I feel these different kinds of fatigue at different times - when I am looking into my heart or outside of it... truly awake or simply dreaming.

There are two kinds of tired...and every day, we're probably feeling one or the other...

Both feel the same physically (or at least similar), but radically different, emotionally and mentally. In following my vision or calling, or not, I'm feeling one of these kinds of "tired" every day.

Mom, I'm certain you felt both of these kinds of tired, on a daily basis...although I hope that you felt more (much more) of the first kind...

The first kind of tiredness or fatigue is created by looking into our hearts and followng that path until we're so tired that we fall into bed at night, exhausted...happy...alive...inspired...with our spirit awakened!

The second kind of fatigue is created by looking outside our hearts, perhaps into other places like our mind, the world around us, other people, various demands or expectations (self-imposed or otherwise)...and all of these things are very connected to us in ways, but not connected to our hearts (our spirit) at all. This kind of mental and physical fatigue is something I can easily recognize now...and it happens when I'm not creating anything new, reading, writing, taking photos, exercising, (or dancing), etc..things like that....when I'm not looking into and/or living from my heart....when I'm not following my vision.

During these times, I'm not awake! I'm only dreaming.

Today, I had the kind of day, where I didn't just look into my heart, following my vision...I jumped into it, shared the best of me, and looked through my heart from the moment I woke up this morning, visiting and having coffee with Gwen, until now, as I'm about to fall into bed, exhausted! I woke up early to make sure Gwen's birthday sign was still looking good on the window and then she came over for an early morning coffee! I'm also cramming for the Ironman right now, so, after having coffee with Gwen, I went biking for a few hours, up and down Knox Mountain a few times. It was a fabulous ride. Then, an hour long run after that, followed by the biggest omelet I've ever made and then i just had to lay down for a bit before going to the hostel briefly and dancing for 3 hours tonight, not to mention the DQ Blizzard that I was supposed to be sharing but ate most of! It was a gorgeous day from start to finish, and what made it so, was that I was completely true to my heart. All day. You know, there were things I wanted and asked for, that I didn't get, but it didn't matter, because all that mattered was that I was truly awake. I did work a tiny bit at the hostel and that was amazing (we are having the best year ever and the team is second to none)! I'll have to work all day tomorrow, since I didn't today. Today, while working and as I took time for the other , un-work-related things that I had to do...I was surrounded by amazing people, completely true to my heart, following my own vision or path, looking into my heart, not outside of it!

As I fall asleep tonight, I clearly see that being fully awake instead of only dreaming, feels pretty fabulous. Of course I have big dreams and aspirations, but that's not what I mean through my comparison btwn being awake and dreaming.

Mom, I sure hope that you felt the good kind of tired as we were all growing up. I'm sure there were times when you were awake, looking into your heart, and I'm sure there were lots of times when all you could do was dream. You must have been exhausted...with 10 kids and a business on the go...I can't imagine what that must have been like...but I truly hope that as you fell into bed at night, it was a good kind of exhausted. As you woke up every day then, and as you do now, beside Don, I am sure that you wake up, looking into your heart and feeling so fully awake, b/c you're not dreaming.

I'm so happy that these past years have been so wonderful for you Mom.
And thank you for leading your life within your heart and not outside of it, and being an example of that for all of us.

Love you,
Crystal

Happy Birthday!!

A Treasure Hunt!

It's Gwen's birthday on July 20th!! Yay!!

To celebrate, we're going on a birthday treasure hunt to find some treasures that Gwen's been wanting to find...to LuLu Lemon for a skort, to the healt food store and maybe to the Running Room to find some treasures.

Tonight, I cut out letters for the big window in the livingroom to wish Gwen a happy birthday as soon as she wakes up! I think I had more fun cutting out the letters and thinking about Gwen than she'll have seeing her sign in the morning. As you've taught us well, the gift is in the giving...

We are all so very lucky!! Lucky to be born into our family, lucky to have eachother, lucky to celebrate birthdays and every day together!

I love you Mom.
Celebrating you and the treasures you've helped us to find on our journeys through life,
Love Crystal

Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it!

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.'

Beverly Clark (played by Susan Sarandon) in Shall we Dance

In the movie, Susan Sarandon said the above, in response to the question, "Why do you think people get married?"

Tonight, a friend and I watched this fabulous movie and this particular quote caught my attention (along with the many scenes of Richard Gere dancing). :) More than just a chick flick, it was a great movie about doing what you love, passion, dancing and ultimately, the movie was about love, marriage and importance of communication.

In the movie, at one point, Richard Gere goes to his wife, Susan Sarandon, and tells her that he never could tell her in the past, when or if he was unhappy, because he never wanted to hurt the person he treasured most. So, if he was missing something in his life (like dancing) or if he was upset, he never told her. He just kept it inside b/c he didn't want to hurt her.

Probably there's a fine line somewhere, between not sharing enough and sharing too much truth. Sharing too much truth could needlessly hurt someone's feeling while not sharing enough leaves them confused and unsure.

In my life, I think sometimes, I tell the truth too much, when probably, I don't need to do so. I know recently, I told a friend in Kelowna, what I really thought of her business concept and why it didn't fit right for me, from my perspective. We're all entitled to have our own feelings on things and she asked for my opinion...but probably, I just shouldn't have said anything, b/c in telling her the truth, I have now hurt her feelings. I can't take back what I said and it is the truth, but probably, I really should have just said nothing.

I'm not sure.

What I am sure about though, that just like in marriage, friendships and all relationships exist and it's those friendships that signify and say, "Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

As friends, family, and even dance partners, we're like a mirror for each other, saying "I see you! I notice you! I'm watching. I'm with you!"

And speaking of dancing...my 3 nights of dancing starts tonight and I'm so excited I can hardly wait already!

Mom, I love you!
Thank you for always noticing me. For always being a witness in my life and for sharing just the right amount of truth with me, always.
Crystal

How to be connected...to me.

Here we are. 10:44pm on a Saturday night, after another jam-packed day.

There's something soooo NOT living intentionally about filling your day so full that you're just running from one thing to the next and then exhausted at the end of the day.

I don't like the impatient side of me that appears when I'm pushed for time, either.

When my day is so busy, with one thing right after another, even if they're all great things that I want to fit into my day, whether it be a 90 minute run or a visit with a friend and a bunch of other work-related things, like today, it's just not the way I want to live my life. When I fill my day sooo full, I miss out (and I short-change others as well) on a fabulous, wonderful, time-constraint-free experience with whatever we were doing.

Yes, I know that "fabulous, wonderful, time-constraint-free time" is actually what most people call RETIREMENT, and I am certainly not there yet...but I could structure my day a little differently.

I am getting better, but I would like to be a little more intentional about how I plan my day. I'm not living intentionally when I pack it so full that I don't have a lot of breathing space to take extra time for people.

I'm not really living, either, when I'on the go so fast. And I'm certainly not connected...to me. My heart. Or my spirit.

This lovely new home has been instrumental in helping me to (let's be honest, it's forcing me to) slow down, be present, not take on too much and be connected to me, but I could be a little more connected to my spirit, I feel.

Moving has taken a lot of time (especially when you're doing it one car-load at a time), and then there's the mini-orchard, as I like to call it, in the back yard. And selling the other house and finally cleaning out the garage and art room there. And running the hostel during the busy summer season... yes...all great and wonderful things that fill up my day...I know I am blessed.

I am so blessed...with the freedom to create my own schedule. Blessed to be able to find security in self-employment for the past 12 years. Blessed to be able to live across the street from Gwen, now. Blessed to have family that are always there when you need them. Blessed to be healthy and able to just go out and run for an hour and a half. Blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love me. Blessed to love them back. Blessed that my team at the hostel is so simply amazing that I cannot even comprehend it! Blessed to have security, dreams,possibilities and opportunities that most of the world couldn't even imagine.

Writing and taking time to slow down connects me to me. (Thank you for this, Mom!)
It's now the morning, Mom. I had to go to bed a few paragraphs ago. This morning is so calm, warm and the sun is so bright...it's gorgeous! The water is so calm this morning that it's definitely a water-ski morning!!

In this moment, I realize that being connected...to me happens when I think of all the things I am grateful for. When I take those things for granted, I loose sight of my calling and that connection with myself, my heart and my spirit. I get caught up in the "stuff" of life that usually I side-step when I'm in a place of gratefulness.

I'm going to make a little card to remind me of what I'm just learning here:

How to be connected...to me:
1. Be totally present in the moment
2. Be mindful of all that I am grateful for
3. Be true to my own path, following my true purpose

Thank you, Mom, for this time to just sit and be with you. Thank you for your inspiration. I love you.
Crystal
PS Thank you also for the jam we're going to make! My freezer is FULL of frozen cherries! This is the last of them. Whoo hooo! The rest are picked, washed and pitted, in the freezer, waiting for you!

The right team is winning the tug-of-war!

Mom,
This will be brief b/c I fell into bed lastnight after Gwen and Rob came over to visit and didn't get a chance to catch up here.
This morning is gorgeous and I'm about to go swimming and then for a ride before I go and clean out more of the garage and art room at the old house this afternoon.

The feeling of overwhelm is disappearing as I check the things off my list that need to get done. Yay!

This morning I am reminded of what commitment really means...stepping up and following through, reminding myself of my vision when i seem to lose focus. Remaining true to what I am really passionate about and letting go of all the things that I am only interested in. 100% is easy...it's that 98% that's a problem.

I learned so much from the programs that I took a year or two ago with Inside Out Leadership...and this is one that will stay with me forever;

100% is easy! 98% is a bitch!

And the ripple effect of what happens; the momentum that is created when I am 100% committed (to myself and my dreams) is undeniable!

Excitement, hope and anticipation are winning the little tug-of-war that has been going on in my mind against the feeling of stress and overwhelm.

I think it's thanks to your list-making, focusing on getting one thing "crossed off" at a time and then moving on to the next thing. And the idea of simply starting on something has made life easier.

One thing at a time; One day at a time; even one minute at a time...

Love you, Mom.
Crystal