Finish strong.

When I was training for my first Ironman, back in 2001, my coach said, "Save a little energy so that you finish strong."

He went on to say that "how you feel at the end of your race...whether you're happy and full of energy....or tired, exhausted and beaten by the day...that will have a lasting impression on you forever...much more than what the finish clock says."

I was pretty scared, in that first race, unsure of what to expect or how the day would go. So I saved a lot of energy for the end. And feeling good, feeling happy, enjoying my family and friends who were all down to cheer...now that did have a huge impact on me. Feeling good gave me lots of opportunity to enjoy the day and enjoy the finish...and celebrate with everyone. It's always left a wonderful memory etched in my mind and spirit, when I think of the past.

Maybe I should have tried harder - in that race. And in everything in my life. I know I certainly do "save a little" just in case. I'm not sure I lay it all out on the table...or on the line...until now. Lately, it's felt great to give life all I've got...whether it's out in the jungle or other areas of my life. Not that I'm perfect...I'm certainly not. I could be a better friend, not drop so many balls (and I drop a fair few!), and be more focused and more organized and be more thoughful and follow through a bit more on things...and I could go on and on forever here...but I'm trying...trying to finish unfinished things on my long list as well as lay it all on the line a little more.

And...I'm going to give the last 3 months of this wonderful year of intentional living the best I've got...and finish strong. I can't believe the past 9 months have gone by so fast. I can hardly believe all that's happened over the past year...all the wonderful, terrific and amazing things, experiences and moments.

It's overwhelming to look back and see how far we've come!

Even still, I can say that I probably could have done more. Tried harder. Been more focused....

BUT...that's life. (And it feels good to just "tag that toe and let it go" when it comes to feeling guilty...

OH! LIghtbulb moment....living intentionally might be about living guilt-free... forgiving myself and letting myself off the hook a little for not being perfect...and just letting go of the past...

Wow! Wouln't that be amazing! Wouldn't that help people finish strong...I know it would certainly help me!

I'm here now...and I'm going to finish strong!

I love you Mom. Thank you for making it OK that I'm not perfect and that a race finish time or medal or even finishing doesn't mean anything to you...all that mattered to you was that I made it out of the swim alive and was happy...which was an example to me that it's OK to save a little so I finish strong and not get too wrapped up in running someone else's race (or trying to keep up to someone else's pace). All that matters is running my own race, at my own pace and doing the best I can in this moment.

And, truly, every day, I think we all do the best we can on that day - in that moment - and it's really pointless to say or think or feel, "Oh, I could have done better." Because...really...if we could have done better...we would have done better.

Tonight, I made a little island on the living room floor with a big blanket after I got home from teaching in Penticton. And then, I got a few books, a couple pillows, my laptop and the phone...and I stayed on the island reading, talking to Amelie on the phone for an hour, writing a few emails to friends and playing with Scotia.

I love being on the "island"... in touch and out of reach.

And a little island time is a great way to get back to my center so that I can finish strong.

I love you.
See you soon!
love Crystal