Back On Higher Ground

Mom, your girl's back!!

On the mend, with my neck 75% better...thanks to caring friends, family and chiropractors who's gifts lay in their hands. I'm also a little humbled and quieted by the fact that life can truly change on a dime...with even just an odd sleep that misaligned my neck, which put me out for just a couple of days...virtually nothing compared to the impact that a serious illness or accident would have on someone.

I am grateful.

This morning I was listening to a great song by Van Morrison called Whenever God Shines His Light. It's a totally up-beat wonderful song, very fitting for this morning as I wake up and feel so fortunate in so many ways.

Whenever God Shines His Light

Whenever God shines his light on me
Opens up my eyes so I can see
When I look up in the darkest night
I know everything's going to be alright
In deep confusion, in great despair
When I reach out for him he is there
When I am lonely as I can be
I know that God shines his light on me
Reach out for him, he'll be there
With him your troubles you can share
If you live the life you love
You get the blessing from above
He heals the sick and heals the lame
Says you can do it too in Jesus name

He'll lift you up and turn you around
And put your feet back on higher ground

Reach out for him, he'll be there
With him your troubles you can share
You can use his higher power
In every day and any hour
He heals the sick and heals the lame
Says you can do it too in Jesus name

He'll lift you up and turn you around
And put your feet back on higher ground.

Gwen said to me a couple days ago, when she came over to give me some stuff for my neck, that "I know it feels like the end of the world...but it's really not. In a few days, you'll fee much better."

She was right. It did (temporarily) feel like the end of the world...when I couldn't sit up without holding my head or lay down without bracing my neck...but it wasn't the end of the world. And in just a few days...I do feel much better. Almost back to myself. Back on higer ground.

This year has been a wonderful year of connecting with you here, Mom. A wonderful year to learn and think about all your wisdom and life-lessons that you've taught us over the years.

One thing I'm constantly being reminded of are 3 simple lessons:
1. To have patience.
2. To have faith.
3. To let go of control in my life.

Learning these things has been so calming (although I don't think I'm done learning these things, by any stretch, yet), but it's been so amazing to let go, to just have faith that everything will work out and to have patience.

A friend said that I'm so different than I was a year ago. So much more calm. I think I am.

More calm. More confident. More at peace. More fulfilled. And definitely less interested in keeping up with what I used to "think" I should be or do.

It does feel so good to be back...with my feet (and neck) on higher ground.

Mumsy, I love you.
Have a wonderful weekend with everyone!!!!
Love Crystal

Life really is so very simple!

I found this on the internet the other day and loved it!

How simple life is...

...a little flow chart of choices; nothing complicated; that lead to certain results; and if you're happy (or not) with those results, either keep doing what you're doing or change it.

Life can be so simple.
Life can be so gloriously uncomplicated.
And happiness is really just a breath away.

Tonight, I feel very happy and content. My neck seems to be getting better after two chiro apt's today, Gwen's massage lastnight, extra-strength advil and other stuff Gwen gave me and a good shot of whiskey.
(Mom, I'm kidding about the whiskey!)

But I'm serious about needing my momma the past day and it was so wonderful to speak with you today!

I love you very much!
Thank you for showing me that life is so very simple...or that it can be...and for beign there when I need you!
Love Crystal

Trust.

When there is nothing else I can do...I just have to trust.

Trust life.
Trust that things happen for a reason in the bigger picture.
Trust that I have enough time.
Trust the people around me.
Trust that the body really is a miracle, capable of healing itself.
Trust. Trust. Trust.

And then make the most of the present situation.

Mom, I woke up today, hoping my neck would be better. I lay down last night for 2 hours and then went to the grocery store at 8pm to buy some advil and an ice pack. I've never taken advil before so it must be serious. The healtfood store anti-inflammatory didn't work (that I noticed) but the lady there was very nice (I know her well) and when I told her I hurt my neck, she was very consoling (I am a poor baby) and I found myself saying "I just want my momma!" and almost burst into tears.

Ahh, hemm...perhaps I am a bit of a drama queen. :) One thing is for sure. I DO NOT LIKE BEING INJURED! I can handle being sick but I do not like being injured at all!

Anyway, I went to Save On and bought some ice-gel packs and then Gwen came over and rubbed my neck a bit. She's an angel in disguise. We had a good visit, and she went home with a big bowl of cherries that I bought the other day. It's been wonderful living so close to each other.

When I was laying down last night, I was wondering why my neck could be sore and what I could be doing about it...

...It's not the time to pack in my Ironman stuff yet, so don't get your hopes up, Mom! But I did come up with the realization that I just have to trust that this is all for a bigger benefit...and that so much good can come out of everything, no matter what it is. It's a choice, of course, and I just have to choose to trust.

I am sure that's what you have done all your life....Trusted.
Trust in life.
Trust that things happen for a reason in the bigger picture.
Trust that you have enough time to do all that you needed to do, with 10 kids and so much going on.
Trust the people around you.
Trust that your body (and the bodies of your kids and grand-kids) really are a miracle, capable of healing itself when they are injured or sick.
Trust. Trust. Trust.

This morning, rather than get upset that my neck doesn't feel any better, I decided to take my coffee outside and water the trees. Anne told me that I have to water the leaves. I didn't know. So, with my coffee in hand, I spent half an hour watering the trees and loving every moment, trusting that my neck will get better soon.

Love you,
Crystal
PS I want my momma!
PPS It's only day 2 of being slowed down by a sore neck, but, to be completely honest, this is not just a pain in the neck, it's a real pain in the ass!!

A Little Reminder

This morning I received a little reminder...a reminder that my health is the most important thing in life.

Without our health, life becomes very challenging, difficult, painful, energy-consuming and stops me from doing what I want to do.

I woke up with a kink in my neck. It is only a kink in my neck. Nothing serious. Nothing major. Time will heal it and I'll be just fine in a day or two. But today, it's all I can think about. I can't move very fast, my neck is sore and I have to lift my head with my hand so I can get up from bed. I went to the chiropractor right away this morning and they aligned the vertebrae but the muscles are spasming and so tight that I can't really move or look to the left very well.

This is totally minor but it is affecting everything I do today and this is a huge reminder for me, not just a little reminder, of how important our health is.

Today, living intentionally is a not-so-gentle reminder of the importance of taking care of my health.

Mom, can you please make it go away?
(Yes, I know, I'm a poor baby!)

Love you,
Crystal
PS I had coffee with Anne today and we had a wonderful visit and talk about all sorts of things. She's truly a wonderful lady. We met at the Zellers coffee shop and had coffee (certainly not Starbucks strength) and I had to have a little piece of blueberry pie. Anne insisted. So...it's two treats this week, not one.

And apparently we're getting together next week to have coffee and I'm making cherry pie. (I'm going to need to call you for some advice on this one, Mom!)

Scrub the corners

Today I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the corners of two of the bathrooms at the hostel with a scrub brush.

And I loved every moment!

I spent about 40 minutes scrubbing two bathrooms, from top to bottom, while working from 7am - 1pm in the hostel! It was fabulous! Better than fabulous, actually! It was truly fulfilling...to clean, scrub, wash, chat with customers, help them and teach a girl from Korea to make pancakes and have her laugh at my broken-Korean words... not to mention my terrible french on the phone to a French-speaking person who wanted to make a reservation.

I felt joy. I shared joy. I inspired joy.

The time flew by...b/c I was so busy trying to do my best...so busy scrubbing the corners...and so busy making the most of every moment.

Mom, it reminds me of how you used to teach us and tell us "how" to do things (not "what" to do...but rather, how to do things). You were never into a quick-clean. If we were to do anything, it should be done thoroughly...without major short-cuts or half-done tasks.

It's been the best year on record for the hostel and it is entirely due to the team...who do the most increidble job...b/c they scrub the corners...not just in the bathrooms, but in their daily actions...whatever they do, they seem to do things so very thoroughly...with great joy, no matter what it is that they are doing...and that attracts the customers that seem to come and never want to leave.

The creator and instigator of this amazing team is David, my Australian brother, who continues to absolutely leave in awe with his skills, ability and by simply being just who he is!

It's another day that is going by, and yet again, I find myself saying thank you. Not for a healthy body today and tailwinds...but thank you to my team, who truly amaze me and humble me with their work ethic, joy-filled natures and corner-scrubbing talents.

Mom, you would love the scrub brushes (small ones, just like you have) that get in the corners so easily!

I love you.
Crystal

Thank you...

Yesterday, I said at least one hundred "thank you's" as I rode 150km around the Ironman bike loop.

To start it off, Anne arrived just as I was leaving the house at 7:00am to drive to Penticton. She wanted to come and putter in the yard. (Who was I to say no? After all, it will always be her house, too.) I did buy a bunch of snacks and left thank you notes for her...but I couldn't stay and help. I had to go and ride the course.

When I got home, I am not sure who worked harder - me on my bike for 6 hours...or Anne in the back yard! The yard is almost caught up and I am so grateful to her for helping me. I was overwhelmed, to say the least, before she arrived.

All the black dirt is now visible after we (OK, mostly Anne) picked the dead early-summer wilfdlowers and plants, weeds, etc. Where ever you see black dirt...Anne's been there in teh past couple of days, doing her magic! Now, the jungle isn't a jungle any more...it's a little orchard paradise!

There's only a little left to finish in this corner and I can do that!

As I went to sleep lastnight, I was replaying the rest of the day in my mind as well, thinking about all the things I am thankful for. There's nothing like a 6 hour bike ride to bring me back to "myself" and remind me of all that I am thankful for.
On the bike ride, in the 5th hour, that's the part where you and all the family were cheering (in my first race) with Kate and her red sweater lower down the long slow climb...and you and everyone else up higher near the top (at Yellow Lake).
This is the photo that Carla took in that race when all of you were cheering on that hill.

On my training rides, it is where I always say my "thank you's" b/c it's the last difficult part. Once I've made it up this hill, the last hour is easy on the bike and I get to continue my thank you's there, too, as I fly down the hills back into Penticton at 50-60km/hour.

All day, on the ride, I found myself saying thank you to to the people in my life, who give me that tail-wind every day, which also, seemed to push us along on the bike ride, too. (Mom, thank you for that little tailwind...I'm sure it was from you.)

I was really nervous about the ride, considering my minimal training, but it was a perfect day. The first two hours, went by so fast, and then the climb at Richter pass seemed to give me more energy, rather than take it. The 4th hour felt like a little game, going up and down the 7 rolling hills and then we got to the Yellow Lake hill which was very hard, but proved to show me what I'm made of, and not what I'm not. (Thankfully).) And the last hour...well, that's a gift in itself, b/c you barely have to pedal for about 45 minutes. When we finished, we went for a swim, had a huge lunch and drove home, tired and thankful.

As I was going up the hills, I noticed how they look so big from far away, but when you get closer, the hills seem to disappear and the road unfolds to be less daunting than it originally appeared to be. Every hill, when I look at it from afar, looks so BIG...but as I get closer, it seems to sort of disappear and before I know it, I'm half way up it, almost by surprise.

I guess it's that way in life, too. From far away, anything and everything (like the back yard) seem so big and daunting...but up close, little by little, the mountains disappear once we just get started.

Lately, I am finding myself in the middle of things, not really sure how I got there, but so grateful for how things always seem to work out. It seems that I'm not really "driving my own bus", and I'm sort of just along for the ride. It feels great to not be so in control of everything, and instead, just holding some kind of vision and faith that things will work out how they are meant to.

Mom, I love you. Thank you for teaching me to just get started when things seem unsurmountable. Thank you for being there with me out on the ride! And thanks for the tailwind. You remain the wind beneath my wings, always.
Love you,
Crystal
PS Let me know what you think of the yard!!

Anne is 76, to be exact. And she worked me over yesterday! We spent about 3 hours in the yard and turned the jungle into more of the little paradise that it is.

I could barely keep up.

While we were out in the yard, Mom, sometimes we didn't talk, sometimes Anne talked and sometimes I asked questions.

Anne was a welder for 35 years. She met her husband Don while working there. She said he was the smartest person she ever knew. She shared with me a lot about her life and past and dropped all sorts of "life wisdom" into our conversation...

I'll write more about this tonight...I'm biking the ironman route today with some friends.

Sorry to be so brief Mom. I had to go (really - I did!) to the Salsa Saturday dance lastnight (OMG did I have fun!) and then went to sleep as soon as I got home to get a good sleep for today...Can't wait to send you photos of the yard and tell you about the past couple days of living intentionally...

The only sad part of the past couple days are the Riders! :( Next time! We can't win 'em all!

I love you Mom!
Crystal

I'm going to help you now...and then you're on your own, kid.

This is Anne.

She's the lady that I bought the new house from. She's almost 80. And she's quite amazing.

She came over yesterday for zucchini/carrot loaf, coffee and a visit. Well, and also to show me a few things around the house.
- there are underground sprinklers that I didn't know about. Who knew!
- there are other details that are so good to know like how the water system works, the various switches, the vacuum, (the only other time I've had central vac was at home in your house Mom!), etc.

Then we went out to the garden, which really is a jungle. She immediately started pulling, cutting, and snipping plants as we chatted. I followed along after her, pulling the same things (that I thought were flowers but really are weeds), snipping and cutting, too. We chatted, laughed, I listened and as we wandered around teh garden, I couldn't help but admire her for all her work that she's done here when she owned the house and for creating such a wonderful paradise that I now get to appreciate and enjoy.

As she was getting ready to go, she handed me the blueprints for the house and said, "If you need anything, call me or look on these prints." Then, as we hugged goodbye, she said, "OK, I'm going to come back this week, and do some work in the yard, whether you're here or not...and then you're on your own, kid."

I stood on the step waving goodbye to Anne as she drove away, with her big pink glasses and smile, feeling very grateful that I'm never really left on my own.

There seem to be angels (disguised as friends, sisters, Anne, and my Mom) all around me. I am blessed.

Mom, I love you. You've said this to me before too...."________ and then you're on your own!!" The first part could have been any one of a million things you've done to help me get on my feet...so you could send me on my way, on my own. I am so grateful for you. Love you, Mom!

Crystal
PS: Anne said to tell you that you should move out here so you can come and take care of all this fruit! The pears and peaches are looking incredible on the trees!

Nutrition - the missing link!

"Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are."
- Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I eat well...enough.

Really, what I should say is that "I exercise...enough...to maintain a relatively fit/healthy body."

But I don't really eat well enough, for my own standards and my own expectations of where I want to be, what I want to look like and what I want to do, with sports.

I am realizing that it's not so much exercise that makes the difference in that last 10% of what I want to achieve....it's nutrition. Nutrition is the missing link! And I've got it all wrong in some ways in this department!

A couple weeks ago, I went to a personal trainer to talk about nutrition and food. I learned that so much of what I thought was correct, was really way off base! I learned about proper food combining, balanced meals (Mom, um...err...well...you were right about a lot of this) :) and I learned stuff that I really should have known long ago, considering my past races and everything.

In spite of myself, I've done pretty well and have had lots of energy to burn over the years...but if I could only master the nutrition component...maybe then, I really could bottle this energy and sell it, like so many people have asked me to do. haha.

Seriously, today is the day...to step up, make a commitment and really see what I'm made of! The Ironman race is coming up sooner than I'd like it to...and the next 5 weeks are going to be BIG! in every way!

So...here we go!
For the next 30 days, I'm going to eat only healthy things...balanced meals...proper foods...and we'll see what happens! No treats or chocolate - except for once/week. (That "no chocolate" stint I did a few months ago was crazy! Even one treat/week would have been a glorious reward...and would probably have made that little challenge go by a LOT easier!)

Yesterday I read something cool in a book - I can't remember it exactly but it said something like this: There are 6 real doctors in the world...and they are...diet and exercise, clean air and water, sunshine and sleep. It was from a nursery rhyme. I think it's true. If we incorporate all of these things...we will be healthy! I'd add a couple more...something to hope for and someone to love.

Mom, I thought you should know...you were right about that whole, protein, vegetable, carbohydrate thing...carbs really are not bad and apparently all these things should be eaten together at meals. Oh yeah, and about that oatmeal stuff that you used to make that I despised...I'm supposed to learn to like it!

Sorry I missed writing you yesterday!
I love you,
Crystal

“Food is never just food. It's also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been and who we want to be.”
— Molly Wizenberg

Am I awake...or am I only dreaming?

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Carl Jung

The following idea of feeling two kinds of "tiredness" came to me tonight as I lay on the floor, completely tired, physically and mentally, yet so happy at the same time. When I read this quote (above), it was easy to understand how and why I feel these different kinds of fatigue at different times - when I am looking into my heart or outside of it... truly awake or simply dreaming.

There are two kinds of tired...and every day, we're probably feeling one or the other...

Both feel the same physically (or at least similar), but radically different, emotionally and mentally. In following my vision or calling, or not, I'm feeling one of these kinds of "tired" every day.

Mom, I'm certain you felt both of these kinds of tired, on a daily basis...although I hope that you felt more (much more) of the first kind...

The first kind of tiredness or fatigue is created by looking into our hearts and followng that path until we're so tired that we fall into bed at night, exhausted...happy...alive...inspired...with our spirit awakened!

The second kind of fatigue is created by looking outside our hearts, perhaps into other places like our mind, the world around us, other people, various demands or expectations (self-imposed or otherwise)...and all of these things are very connected to us in ways, but not connected to our hearts (our spirit) at all. This kind of mental and physical fatigue is something I can easily recognize now...and it happens when I'm not creating anything new, reading, writing, taking photos, exercising, (or dancing), etc..things like that....when I'm not looking into and/or living from my heart....when I'm not following my vision.

During these times, I'm not awake! I'm only dreaming.

Today, I had the kind of day, where I didn't just look into my heart, following my vision...I jumped into it, shared the best of me, and looked through my heart from the moment I woke up this morning, visiting and having coffee with Gwen, until now, as I'm about to fall into bed, exhausted! I woke up early to make sure Gwen's birthday sign was still looking good on the window and then she came over for an early morning coffee! I'm also cramming for the Ironman right now, so, after having coffee with Gwen, I went biking for a few hours, up and down Knox Mountain a few times. It was a fabulous ride. Then, an hour long run after that, followed by the biggest omelet I've ever made and then i just had to lay down for a bit before going to the hostel briefly and dancing for 3 hours tonight, not to mention the DQ Blizzard that I was supposed to be sharing but ate most of! It was a gorgeous day from start to finish, and what made it so, was that I was completely true to my heart. All day. You know, there were things I wanted and asked for, that I didn't get, but it didn't matter, because all that mattered was that I was truly awake. I did work a tiny bit at the hostel and that was amazing (we are having the best year ever and the team is second to none)! I'll have to work all day tomorrow, since I didn't today. Today, while working and as I took time for the other , un-work-related things that I had to do...I was surrounded by amazing people, completely true to my heart, following my own vision or path, looking into my heart, not outside of it!

As I fall asleep tonight, I clearly see that being fully awake instead of only dreaming, feels pretty fabulous. Of course I have big dreams and aspirations, but that's not what I mean through my comparison btwn being awake and dreaming.

Mom, I sure hope that you felt the good kind of tired as we were all growing up. I'm sure there were times when you were awake, looking into your heart, and I'm sure there were lots of times when all you could do was dream. You must have been exhausted...with 10 kids and a business on the go...I can't imagine what that must have been like...but I truly hope that as you fell into bed at night, it was a good kind of exhausted. As you woke up every day then, and as you do now, beside Don, I am sure that you wake up, looking into your heart and feeling so fully awake, b/c you're not dreaming.

I'm so happy that these past years have been so wonderful for you Mom.
And thank you for leading your life within your heart and not outside of it, and being an example of that for all of us.

Love you,
Crystal

Happy Birthday!!

A Treasure Hunt!

It's Gwen's birthday on July 20th!! Yay!!

To celebrate, we're going on a birthday treasure hunt to find some treasures that Gwen's been wanting to find...to LuLu Lemon for a skort, to the healt food store and maybe to the Running Room to find some treasures.

Tonight, I cut out letters for the big window in the livingroom to wish Gwen a happy birthday as soon as she wakes up! I think I had more fun cutting out the letters and thinking about Gwen than she'll have seeing her sign in the morning. As you've taught us well, the gift is in the giving...

We are all so very lucky!! Lucky to be born into our family, lucky to have eachother, lucky to celebrate birthdays and every day together!

I love you Mom.
Celebrating you and the treasures you've helped us to find on our journeys through life,
Love Crystal

Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it!

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.'

Beverly Clark (played by Susan Sarandon) in Shall we Dance

In the movie, Susan Sarandon said the above, in response to the question, "Why do you think people get married?"

Tonight, a friend and I watched this fabulous movie and this particular quote caught my attention (along with the many scenes of Richard Gere dancing). :) More than just a chick flick, it was a great movie about doing what you love, passion, dancing and ultimately, the movie was about love, marriage and importance of communication.

In the movie, at one point, Richard Gere goes to his wife, Susan Sarandon, and tells her that he never could tell her in the past, when or if he was unhappy, because he never wanted to hurt the person he treasured most. So, if he was missing something in his life (like dancing) or if he was upset, he never told her. He just kept it inside b/c he didn't want to hurt her.

Probably there's a fine line somewhere, between not sharing enough and sharing too much truth. Sharing too much truth could needlessly hurt someone's feeling while not sharing enough leaves them confused and unsure.

In my life, I think sometimes, I tell the truth too much, when probably, I don't need to do so. I know recently, I told a friend in Kelowna, what I really thought of her business concept and why it didn't fit right for me, from my perspective. We're all entitled to have our own feelings on things and she asked for my opinion...but probably, I just shouldn't have said anything, b/c in telling her the truth, I have now hurt her feelings. I can't take back what I said and it is the truth, but probably, I really should have just said nothing.

I'm not sure.

What I am sure about though, that just like in marriage, friendships and all relationships exist and it's those friendships that signify and say, "Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

As friends, family, and even dance partners, we're like a mirror for each other, saying "I see you! I notice you! I'm watching. I'm with you!"

And speaking of dancing...my 3 nights of dancing starts tonight and I'm so excited I can hardly wait already!

Mom, I love you!
Thank you for always noticing me. For always being a witness in my life and for sharing just the right amount of truth with me, always.
Crystal

How to be connected...to me.

Here we are. 10:44pm on a Saturday night, after another jam-packed day.

There's something soooo NOT living intentionally about filling your day so full that you're just running from one thing to the next and then exhausted at the end of the day.

I don't like the impatient side of me that appears when I'm pushed for time, either.

When my day is so busy, with one thing right after another, even if they're all great things that I want to fit into my day, whether it be a 90 minute run or a visit with a friend and a bunch of other work-related things, like today, it's just not the way I want to live my life. When I fill my day sooo full, I miss out (and I short-change others as well) on a fabulous, wonderful, time-constraint-free experience with whatever we were doing.

Yes, I know that "fabulous, wonderful, time-constraint-free time" is actually what most people call RETIREMENT, and I am certainly not there yet...but I could structure my day a little differently.

I am getting better, but I would like to be a little more intentional about how I plan my day. I'm not living intentionally when I pack it so full that I don't have a lot of breathing space to take extra time for people.

I'm not really living, either, when I'on the go so fast. And I'm certainly not connected...to me. My heart. Or my spirit.

This lovely new home has been instrumental in helping me to (let's be honest, it's forcing me to) slow down, be present, not take on too much and be connected to me, but I could be a little more connected to my spirit, I feel.

Moving has taken a lot of time (especially when you're doing it one car-load at a time), and then there's the mini-orchard, as I like to call it, in the back yard. And selling the other house and finally cleaning out the garage and art room there. And running the hostel during the busy summer season... yes...all great and wonderful things that fill up my day...I know I am blessed.

I am so blessed...with the freedom to create my own schedule. Blessed to be able to find security in self-employment for the past 12 years. Blessed to be able to live across the street from Gwen, now. Blessed to have family that are always there when you need them. Blessed to be healthy and able to just go out and run for an hour and a half. Blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love me. Blessed to love them back. Blessed that my team at the hostel is so simply amazing that I cannot even comprehend it! Blessed to have security, dreams,possibilities and opportunities that most of the world couldn't even imagine.

Writing and taking time to slow down connects me to me. (Thank you for this, Mom!)
It's now the morning, Mom. I had to go to bed a few paragraphs ago. This morning is so calm, warm and the sun is so bright...it's gorgeous! The water is so calm this morning that it's definitely a water-ski morning!!

In this moment, I realize that being connected...to me happens when I think of all the things I am grateful for. When I take those things for granted, I loose sight of my calling and that connection with myself, my heart and my spirit. I get caught up in the "stuff" of life that usually I side-step when I'm in a place of gratefulness.

I'm going to make a little card to remind me of what I'm just learning here:

How to be connected...to me:
1. Be totally present in the moment
2. Be mindful of all that I am grateful for
3. Be true to my own path, following my true purpose

Thank you, Mom, for this time to just sit and be with you. Thank you for your inspiration. I love you.
Crystal
PS Thank you also for the jam we're going to make! My freezer is FULL of frozen cherries! This is the last of them. Whoo hooo! The rest are picked, washed and pitted, in the freezer, waiting for you!

The right team is winning the tug-of-war!

Mom,
This will be brief b/c I fell into bed lastnight after Gwen and Rob came over to visit and didn't get a chance to catch up here.
This morning is gorgeous and I'm about to go swimming and then for a ride before I go and clean out more of the garage and art room at the old house this afternoon.

The feeling of overwhelm is disappearing as I check the things off my list that need to get done. Yay!

This morning I am reminded of what commitment really means...stepping up and following through, reminding myself of my vision when i seem to lose focus. Remaining true to what I am really passionate about and letting go of all the things that I am only interested in. 100% is easy...it's that 98% that's a problem.

I learned so much from the programs that I took a year or two ago with Inside Out Leadership...and this is one that will stay with me forever;

100% is easy! 98% is a bitch!

And the ripple effect of what happens; the momentum that is created when I am 100% committed (to myself and my dreams) is undeniable!

Excitement, hope and anticipation are winning the little tug-of-war that has been going on in my mind against the feeling of stress and overwhelm.

I think it's thanks to your list-making, focusing on getting one thing "crossed off" at a time and then moving on to the next thing. And the idea of simply starting on something has made life easier.

One thing at a time; One day at a time; even one minute at a time...

Love you, Mom.
Crystal

Character building opportunities

Tonight, I am pouring over numbers, bank balances and planning for the next several months and figuring out what to do next.

I'm a bit stressed (a slight understatement). However, I do have faith that everything will work out perfectly as it is supposed to...Apparently...just not on the timeline I was hoping for. Right now, I'm a bit stressed financially with the new house, an old house that has not sold and a condo that has yet to close on it's sale.

I'm stretched!

Mom - NO, this is not a hint that I need a loan. I'm going to be totally fine! But this process of tightening up considerably is teaching me a thing or two, that I've learned before...but seemed to have forgotten in the last couple years!

I'm being reminded of and having to behave in ways that I am very familiar with from several years of those "character building" lean years, incorporating...
- Strict money management
- Tight budgets
- Absolutely no overspending or unneeded purchases
- solid planning and attention to details

I say all this...but I'm still living in luxury compared to 12 years ago...when money was so lean, the interest (only) on the hostel mortgage was $3000/month. I actually still cannot believe we made it through that...or that the bank even gave us the $ to begin with. (Or that you let us get into that situation Mom! haha)

We were blessed back then. And we still are. Blessed with family, friends, health, and a humble strength as well as courage and a willingness to dream big and imagine "what IF"! Blessed with conviction (otherwise known as stubbornness), a fabulous attitude (otherwise known as naive optimism) and character building opportunities (otherwise known as challenges)!

When I get into situations like this, where I'm nervous or stressed about something, I have often thought of you, sitting at the kitchen table, making some sort of list. There were usually two columns on your lists - grocery lists, packing lists for the beach, etc. And the columns had a top half and a bottom half...and while I don't know your rationale or why/how you had your lists laid out, I remember the fact that you made lists and these lists seemed to work very well for you.

So I did what I learned from you...I made my lists tonight...of money matters, things I need to do, etc, ....all to get it out of my head and on to paper, alleviating 1/2 of my stress just by doing this activity.

I feel better already, Mom. Thank you!
And really, if I seriously think about it, one thing is for sure...the bank must believe in me greatly b/c they have loaned me so much money...mortgages, lines of credit, interim financing (until my condo sale closes)...whew! If I didn't believe in myself, I just need to look to them! They sure seem to believe in me! ;)

And making lists helps me focus on these moments and think of them as character building opportunities rather than challenges!

I love you, Mom.
Crystal

"Let me help you!"...he said.

With a calm sort of persistence mixed with assurance, he said...

"Let me help you."

A friend and I were out on a 3 hour bike ride, training for the race, and we were out in East Kelowna, Mom, where the orchards are and all the fruit trees, by Galagher's Canyon. Well, we took a million different roads, some that were dead-ends, some that went up and then down and around and around...and then we took this one road that neither of us had been on. It was a little quiet road, lined with trees. There were no cars! It was awesome! We figured it would take us out Hwy 33 by Rutland...and it was a fabulous steep descent!! Perfect!

Did I mention that it was a really steep descent?

Well, we got to the bottom..and found ourselves at...the Creek! The river! In a trailer park! There was NO way out...except to go back UP the way we came down!

Eeeeeuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!
My second thought was that I would be walking up the long steep hill, in my bike shoes, no less! My first thought can't be repeated here!

My friend went further down the hill so he could turn around and get some speed to start the climb and switch into easier gears. I was not about to go down any further b/c I'd have to just climb back up...so I turned around on the spot and tried to down-shift (into easier gears) on the ascent.

It didn't work.

I had to get off my bike and hand pedal the wheel until the gears fell into place. Then I got back on my bike and started to pedal, trying to click my bike shoes into the pedals as I crept up the hill, moving sooooo slowly. Those first few pedal strokes are really needed to get some speed and you need to click in to the pedals to get that speed...but on such a steep incline, it was nearly impossible (for me)!

It's like the chicken and the egg concept...which comes first? The chicken or the egg? Clicking into the pedals or gaining speed - you sort of need one to be able to do the other.

You can imagine what happened...considering that I'm not really the most graceful person on the planet. I might be light on my feet, dancing, but I can be very clumsy too!

This was one of those clumsy moments...

For the record, I DID get my shoe clicked into the pedal!

And that's when it sort of went "sideways"! Worse than NOT getting your shoe into the pedal contraption...is actually getting it clicked INTO PLACE...while not moving at all, going on a steep incline, with tired legs.

At a practial stand-still, I fell over, b/c I could not get going fast enough and I couldn't maintain my balance any more, while trying to pedal uphill.

I hit the pavement and was totally sprawled out, on and under my bike, on the road, when my friend looked back, sort of horrified! He was a ways ahead of me and turned around to come all the way back down to help me.

Completely unhurt (except for a little bruise on my ego...haha!), I picked myself back up and tried again. I couldn't get going.

My friend said, "Let me help you!" I didn't really want the help b/c I thought I should be able to get up on my own.

The truth was that I couldn't. I needed help. I needed a push so I could get some speed so I could then get my shoes clicked in...

And with that, he walked behind me and gave me a push to get me going so that I was able to keep going. I couldn't really look back to see if he was able to get going, or I'd probably fall over again, but before I could gasp even a few breaths of air, he was beside me and we made it back up the steep hill, together, making a mental note never to take that road again.

It was a fabulous little detour, a sort of mishap, but more of a great moment, than a mishap. It was funny. Falling off my bike. Needing a push (like when I was about 4 years old) to get started again. Laughing about it...once we got back up. It was hilarious, really!

I'm thankful for that little push and that I let someone help me. It felt good to receive help. I'm sure it felt good to be helpful. This, too, is what life's about. Making each other's world's better by helping each other up when needed and laughing about it afterwards. No ego. No mishaps. Every moment is perfect. and a perfect opportunity to grow and learn and laugh together. Maybe living intentionally is about letting someone help me today.

Mom, I'm sure you and Don help one another every day...and let the other help. I am so happy that the two of you are together. You give me so much hope. And right now, I'm overflowing with it. Thank you!

Love your clumsy #8!
Crystal

PS: Also for the record...if it was my friend that needed a push on his bike, I'd be there! (Down in that trailer park, though, I'd never get out...I'd have to either walk up that hill, hitch a ride or be air-lifted out of there. So...if you don't hear from me for a few days this summer, Mom,...you'll know I took a wrong turn and where I am. :)

It's not who we are, but rather who we could become that matters....on the dance floor and off.

Mom,
You've said "Be careful what you wish for." before...and it's true!!
I sent you that picture from Guatemala of the billboard, "Have you ever danced until your feet hurt?" and while I have, I can't quite remember when that was...until tonight!

I just danced for 3 hours in 3 different lessons...in my new dance shoes...The beginner class of the Bachata, (which is a dance from The Dominican), and it was so fabulous that I stayed for the level 2 class, too! I'm light on my feet, thankfully. (Did I get that from you? I know you like dancing and I'm sure you are very light on your feet.) Then, there was another class called La Rueda, which is another Latin American dance but more of a group dance (NOT like line-dancing though...more like square dancing where you are always trading partners.) It was amazing!!! Amazing!! AMAZING!!!

Three hours later, I find myself at home, with sore feet and sore muscles in my face, from smiling so much! I met TONS of fabulous new people and am so excited to finally (better late than never) get into a group of people that LOVE dancing!

I am a bit in shock over what I've signed up for over the next month...
- tango on Monday night's
- the bachata (2 classes) and la rueda on Tuesday night's
- AND salsa on Wednesday night's

I guess this is what living intentionally is all about!

Did you know that there are trips to these far-off islands in the Caribbean and South America where people go and take dance lessons for a week or two?!

Who knew...

Tonight, I'm reminded of SO MANY things you've taught me through my experience dancing this evening and so far this week...

- have faith...and things will always work out.
- show up!
- just take one tiny step forward towards the direction I want to go
- if I don't like it, change it
- the only person getting in my way is me
- find the courage to step up
- follow my heart
- listen to that little voice inside that's whispering, "everything is going to be OK. Don't worry. You'll fit right in. "
- thank you God for unanswered prayers
- patience, patience...
- no one said it was going to be easy
- just try
- live with abandon
- tell the truth (to myself)
- just be myself (that is enough)
- think of others and call out their spirit

Mostly, tonight, I was reminded of this last one...to call out the spirit of others.

We're all there, in the dance classes, learning to dance...and it didn't seem to matter if I screwed up the dance step or if they did or if the dance sequence was flawless...what mattered was that people felt like they were acknowledged. Seen. Accepted. Admired. Not for who they really were...but for who and what they could become...on the dance floor and off!

Isn't that what life's all about...striving to become what we could be...and hoping that others' might either get a glimpse of that actual magnificence...if they can see the spirit inside of each of us and call it out....and even if they can't see just how spectacular we are inside...their simple belief in the possibility of who and what we are capable of...that is enough for us to surpass even what we imagined we could become!

Mom, thank you for having faith...not in who I am...but in who and what I could become.
I am grateful. And blessed. And if you can believe it, I've got the hottest dance shoes ever!
love Crystal

Enough is enough.

I saw this poster at the airport in Guatemala City and just had to take a photo of it! It was a sign, calling out to me, something that has been missing in my life. I could not ignore it any longer.

Enough is enough! I thought to myself.

I pondered the question...and, to be honest, I could not remember when the last time I was out dancing until my feet hurt. And since dancing is something I absolutely LOVE, that is quite sad!

I remember a few times...dancing all night. Back in university, of course, we danced all night 2-3 times per week. I remember going into dance contests and winning pitchers of beer (that I would give to my friends) out at the bars when we were young. I loved and lived for those nights of dancing back then. Since then, I can recall a number of other nights of dancing...in Australia, at the Ironmnan party, the evening after the race, Amelie and I met a bunch of fabulous people and we literally danced ALL night, which was miraculous since we just did the IM the day before. Then there was another time out in Kelowna, where a big group of us danced until dawn, which was one of the best evenings of my life.

But these memories are few and far between.

Thinking about it, there were fewer and fewer nights of dancing, as I grew older, because I did not actively choose to make an effort to get out dancing. Sure, when I was married, my partner did not really like to dance, but that did not have to stop me. I could have gone out dancing or taken lessons on my own. I just didn't.

Well, I could continue to feel sorry for myself, and simply grin and bear it...or I could do something about it.

Better late than never, it is time to smile and change it! It is time to make up for lost time. So, in a small attempt to do this, I am going to be dancing Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights for the next 3 weeks! I am so excited that I cannot sit still!

Lastnight was my second tango lesson. It was fabulous! I had another 3.5 minute love affair with my dance teacher. I don't think my feet touched the ground!

Tonight, there will be bachata and La Rueda lessons and tomorrow...Salsa!

Enough IS enough!

Mom, this is one of your best lines! I love it! I can hear you saying it, like so many of your other famous lines. When ever you said this, it was true. It was enough. It is time to no longer, simply grin and bear it, but rather, to smile and change it. Life is too short.

Mom, you give me hope that all things are possible and I am so grateful for you.
I will think of you tonight!
Love Crystal

PS: I thought of some of my favourite movies...and while not all of my favourite movies are about dancing, many are. I loved Grease, Dirty Dancing, Footloose (of course) and Shall We Dance, with Richard Gere was outstanding and completely inspiring!

In honour of the next 3 weeks, I think I am going to rent these movies and dance in the dining room!

There's no telling...

It's true. There's not telling how many miles there are between here and our dreams. One thing's for sure, though; if we don't keep putting one foot in front of the other, in that direction, we'll never get there!

Today, I got out on my bike. It's been a long time. With travelling, work, moving, the hostel and the yard work, I've not gotten out enough on my little red bandit. (This is a photo taken last fall when I was training for the Cozumel race.)

Tonight, I had a friend over to try my (now) very famous rhubarb-cherry crumble and we had a great conversation about training and ironman races. My friend is training for the ironman race coming up in 2 months (and he has actually been training!) It's his first race. He's a little nervous. It's my 8th race and, from my experience, the nervousness never goes away.

I think most every triathlete, whether it's a first race or 50th and whether we've done every training ride or are "cramming" to get in a few long rides before race day...we're all nervous...and we're all chasing some sort of dream.

And there's not telling how many miles we'll have to go to reach it.

I got back from my ride today and got out in the yard, which has now become a daily ritual. I picked the last of the cherries and then thinned the peaches and after that was all done, I stopped to look around at the maze of trees and plants.

There's no telling how many wonderful hours I'll have to put in here either.

It's that way with everything in life and especially with our dreams. There's no telling how long we'll have to wait; how hard we'll have to work; how many hours it'll take; how many miles we'll have to run; how much it'll cost; how tired we'll be; how often we'll want to give up...

There's also no telling how waiting will teach me patience; how hard work will teach me to have a work ethic; how many hours will teach me to plan accordingly; how many miles will teach me to pace myself; how the price will teach me to steward my money well; how fatigue will teach me to listen to my body, mind and spirit; and how the question of giving up will teach me about commitment and intentionally choosing to hold on to my dreams.

Yes...there's no telling how many miles we'll have to run while chasing our dreams. All that's really certain is the value of having dreams...and putting one (even tiny) step towards those dreams every day.

Today, I took a few tiny steps.

Mom - I thought of you today, as I was up in the ladder. I'm sure some days, when you were raising 10 kids and running the business, felt like very tiny steps forward. There was no telling just where those steps would take you... or how much of an incredible impact you'd make on your kids and grandkids...and shape all of our lives in ways beyond measure.

Thank you for always putting one foot in front of the other, Mom, and for teaching me to do the same.

love you,
Crystal

You might be surprised.

Trudging through the river...it didn't really sound like something I wanted to do. After all, I'm a little clumsy and, therefore, much prefer activities that have sure-footing. For example, I'd rather run on a trail than in the bush, ride my bike on the road than on a trail, and for sure, walking up the river (IN the river) was not my idea of fun.

On such a hot day, yesterday, paddleboarding, swimming or floating on the lake sounded like a much better plan to me.

And I recalled several times over the years where hikes in the woods while camping or going on adventures with friends turned out side-ways. Once, we got so lost following the river...that eventually dried up and left us, hours later, in the middle of absolutely no where. And then there was the time that I tripped and fell, out hiking, cutting my leg disastrously.

(In retrospect, I know that I didn't faint from blood loss and I didn't need stitches, and as I write this, I can't even find the spot on my leg where I got cut, so it couldn't have been that bad!)

Anyway, something inside told me to keep quiet. Something inside said, "You might be surprised."

I was!

It was amazing. Climbing over slippery rocks was, indeed fun. In fact, it was down-right fabulous! We had so much fun! Laughing! Talking. Slipping and holding hands to get through the river. It was wonderful. MUCH more wonderful than floating on the lake could ever be!


Mom, you often said, "You might be surprised."... or...one of my personal favourites, "You might surprise yourself." ...when given the chance to try something new.

How right you were.
How right you usually are. Lastnight, attending a birthday party of a friend, listening to some of the others talk about their own experiences with their mom or mother-in law, I said out loud (even though it probably should have been only said in my own head), "Thank God for MY mom!"

It is so true! Thank God for YOU.
Love you,
Crystal

I am ready.

"Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know...and you'll see the way to fly."

Excerpt from Johnathan Livingston Seagull

For some reason, I pulled the little book, Johnathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach, off my shelf lastnight and started to read it before going to bed. It's a tiny little book that has less than 100 pages with lots of amazing photos of seagulls in flight.

The book is amazing. I'm not yet finished it but as I woke up this morning, the message I slept on, from the book, was about judgement. The book spoke of this and how, as seagulls, conforming to the group and flying in formation was sometimes sought after.... while standing apart, being an "outcast", by soaring on one'sonw path, different from the flock, was not to be done even if the gull was compelled and called in a different direction.

It made me think about how hard I can be in judging myself. I'm not very judgemental about other people...but of myself...wow! It's a good thing that I've got another 6 months of writing your blog, Mom, b/c I still have a ways to go on this. I've come a long way, for sure, but I still can get so wrapped up in what "other people think".

I think I need to grab another coffee and finish this little book before heading to the hostel this morning.

Mom, I love you. Thank you for encouraging me to fly on my own path and not conform to the flock. Thank you for encouraging me to be myself. And thank you for showing me what soaring looks like.

You truly are my greatest mentor, my inspiration, and most certainly, the wind beneath my wings.
Love you,
Crystal

"Maynard gull, you have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way. It is the Law of the Great Gull, the Law that Is...You are free!"

"I am ready,” he said at last. And Jonathan Livingston Seagull rose with the two star-bright gulls to disappear into a perfect dark sky.

Stillness speaks...

The lake is perfectly calm this morning. There's not a breath of wind on it. The world around has the same sense of calm and peacefulness. The trees are standing perfectly still. The sun is shining brightly over the water and reflecting everywhere. It's one of those mornings where you can hear the stilless speak.

Like the lake on those perfectly calm mornings where the water is like glass...and the only wind was from sitting on your swing as it moved.

I woke up this morning with the sun pouring in, shining so brightly on my face that I couldn't ignore it, even though the time said 5:30am. Wandering outside, I am amazed at the beauty and miracles everyhwere in the stillness.

This morning, I feel the same sense of stillness. (Which is rare.) It feels good to just be still. To hear what I'm not saying. To daydream. To pray. To be grateful. To imgaine the possibilities. To say thank you for all that I am and all that I've been given. And to simply just "be" in this moment.

Mom, thank you for teaching us to value that stillness and those moments where all you need to do is push the swing with one foot and just "be"...enjoying the moment, with nothing to do and no where to go.

I do have some place for you to come to though...and there's lots for you to do!!
There's over 40 cups of rhubarb in the freezer and cherries galore! Gwen came over lastnight to help chop rhubarb and we are bot so excited for you to come out. Whether we're just being still or you're teaching us to make jam, we're both so excited to be in that moment!

Love you,
Crystal

It came from my mother!

I have a certain amount of appreciation for others. It didn't come from Buddhism, it came from my Mother.
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I think my appreciation for others came from my mother, too.

Little gestures, small simple gifts given (with a much larger and deeper meaning), and thought-filled (and usually home-made) items shared with others (like my (well....your) famous cookies or the latest newly famous rhubarb-cherry crumble)...all of these things somehow have been either been taught by or inspired by my mother.

About a week or two ago, I took a little pad of pink, heart shaped "sticky notes" to some friends' place of work and pasted them all over the front window and door. I didn't leave a note or anything, so they would never know it was me that decorated their window...and the next morning when everyone got to work, they would be greeted by a bunch of love hearts and a whole lot of anonymous appreciation. I was so excited for the next morning to arrive and for my friends to get to work...

...I think it's that way for those little thought-filled gestures...the gift is in the giving.

And the gift of giving definitely came from my mother.

Mom, it wasn't until yesterday that I ran into my friends. I told Brenda that I came by last week to "drop off a bunch of love but no one was here". When she realized it was me that put the sticky notes all over the window, she laughed. They had no idea who it was. But they loved the little hearts everywhere. The sun shone in and made little heart shapes all over the floor and their desk. It was also a special day at their office so the timing was serendipitously perfect.

I'm going to start an "Anonymous Appreciation Movement" with the little love hearts and keep a bunch of these sticky notes in my car for spontaneous moments. To kick it off, early this morning, I pasted Gwen's car with little pink hearts too. I hope she likes it. I put one (only one) on Rob's truck, too.

Mom, thank you for all of your gifts that you have shared with me...thank you for apprceciating me and for all the times when I need you and you are there. I appreciate you so very much.
Love you,
Crystal
PS: these are for you.

The coffee pot is always on

Mom,
I'm so glad you're feeling better! We were worried!!
Gwen and I got together for coffee this morning and want you to know how much we love you and wish you were here!

It's a wonderful feeling when someone rings up and says, "Can I come over for coffee?"

Your coffee pot is always on. I remember your friends often dropping in for coffee and a visit. The coffee was hot and your door was always open. I'm grateful to have a door like that now. In the new house, I've had more people just drop by than ever! I think the house is blessed. Even though I have no furniture (b/c the realtors said to leave it at the other house until it sells), the new house feels more lived in than you can possibly imagine! I can't wait for you to see it!.

Love you,
Crystal
PS: Tonight's plan: pick, pit and freeze cherries for you!!

A Love Affair

"The tango is a 3.5 minute love affair!"

The instructor at my tango lesson said this...and from my experience tonight, it is!
I am IN LOVE! In love with dancing. With the tango. And with life. Why did I wait so long to take lessons? I'm not sure. Dancing is probably my absolute favourite thing to do...yet I rarely (RARELY!) ever get out to dance!

Tonight, I went dancing! And I did have a 3.5 minute love affair with my dance teacher, as he danced the tango with me. It didn't matter that he's over 60 years old, slightly rounder in the middle, from Chili (and doesn't speak a lot of English) and not to mention, married (his wife is the co-teacher). It didn't matter...b/c it was the tango...and that's the tango.

Strangely, last year when I was in Peru, I met a couple that was dancing. I sat there mesmerized by them. They were the most stunning dance couple I had ever seen. I spoke to them after and they were dancing...the Argentina Tango! Until tonight, watching the dance instructors dance some similar moves to them, I had completely forgotten about this moment and the Argentina Tango! Hmmm...

This is the couple that I met in Peru. They were amazing!

They were totally inspiring! I'm so glad that unbenounced to me, I find myself in a dance lesson teaching the same dance that they were dancing!

Life is funny, isn't it?

Tonight, in class, the instructors talked about how, in America, we don't want to get "too close" to one another, whereas in Latin America, they have a much different view of "space" and dancing. They always dance close (as I'm sure my nieces and nephews and Kate can attest to in the salsa lesson they had in Guatemala a couple weeks ago)! The instructor came over to me at the exact moment he was making the point about spacial requirements (or lack thereof) and subconsciously, I took a step back. Everyone started laughing. It was very funny! I laughed.

But I got it!

How often do I subconsciously take a step back from "life"? How often do I keep my distance? How often do I refrain from saying what I really think or doing what I really feel? How often do I let my mind take over when, really, "the head must bow to the heart" as I read on a tea-bag (yogi tea) once. How often do I side-step that 3.5 minute love affair with life?

Too often!

I have a great feeling about these tango lessons. About life. About the future.

Salsa starts next Wednesday. I have a feeling that this summer could very well be one of those "defining moments" in life.

Imagine...if it's possible to have a 3.5 minute love affair while dancing the tango - how amazing could the rest of our lives be?

Mom, thank you for living your life like a great love affair. You and Don give me tons of hope! I love you!
Crystal

Paint where you are looking...

"Paint where you are looking. Don't look where you are painting."

Mel's art teacher from years ago.

You know you are blessed when friends look at your life and assess what balls you're juggling...and then step in, grabbing your balls in the air, exchanging them for better ones and then invite you to step back while they take on and juggle your new balls for you.

As I walk on my path in this life, I am constantly amazed at how angels (the ones I can see and the ones I can't) come into my life and bless me with all that I dream of and need.

Mel called me last week and said, "Alright, when are we getting together to pick paint colours for your basement so that you can get it ready to rent out with Vacation Rentals By Owner? I was not thinking of that, although the need to bring in revenue is weighing on my mind. I was busy, preoccupied, focusing on the cherries on the tree, the never ending yard work, teaching my program last week and juggling the hostel during it's very busy week while my manager is away.

Most of the balls I've been juggling are the right ones...but I dropped the one about the basement and needing to get it ready to rent out. I was more preoccupied with the cherries. Funny how, in retrospect, it's easy to have clarity and prioritize what's most important, but last week, I couldn't see the big picture correctly.

So Mel stepped in. She took over some of the things I was juggling and then switched balls, picking up the more important and urgent ones,dropping some others, and then became the leader in my life for just a moment b/c she saw that I was overwhelmed and needing some help. (I was looking where I was painting, not painting where I was looking.)

She is definitely an angel in my life.

Like so many other treasured friends, family and loved ones. Angels with imaginary wings that guide me and lead me when I need...or walk beside me when I'm on my right path.
So, lastnight Mel and a few friends came over to paint one of the rooms downstairs. It was wonderful. I am blessed. I'm on my way now.

I'm "painting where I'm looking...not looking where I'm painting".

This is a great piece of advise while painting...and is a perfect metaphor for life. To live and go where I am looking...not simply look where I'm going. Like driving....you look ahead when making a turn to where you want to go, not down at the curb...or you'll hit the curb.

My sister Carmel took me out driving and taught me that years ago, when I had my learners licence. She said "look where you want to go. Don't look down at the curb or you'll hit it b/c the car will go where you are looking.

Mom - this is one you know well. A universal truth that you live by....looking ahead and paining a life for all of us based on your vision. We are so very blessed!

Love you,
Crystal

Move the ladder!

Mom,

You would have saw it coming. You would have known better. You would have moved the ladder instead of reaching so far!!

I, on the other hand, learned by "experience".

I was up in the ladder, (in my favourite dress, no less) picking cherries yesterday. I've been up on that ladder every day, twice a day, for the past few days, picking bucket after bucket of cherries for the hostel. So, naturally, the area where I was picking, in the tree, was getting sparse. I found myself at the top of the ladder, literally bending over the top of the ladder, reaching to grasp a few cherries with my outstretched hand. I had the big bowl full of cherries in my right arm. The thought "move the ladder" did come to mind but I didn't want to climb down, move the huge ladder and then climb back up, for just a few more cherries...so I reached as far as I could, around me, to grab all the cherries within reach.

I could feel the moment that I had reached too far. My intuition knew this was going to happen! The ladder started to tilt. I had grabbed a couple cherries that promptly squished in my hand as I gripped onto a big branch. My other arm clung on to the full bowl of cherries. There was no way I was dropping the bowl. It was FULL! And I am from Saskatchewan, where cherries are at least $5 per pound, from what I remember! I froze at the top of the tree, sort of hoping that a neighbour would come and rescue me. But no one was there. I started talking out loud to myself, calming myself down. It was the exact sort of scenario - like in Mexico - on the DIVA Retreat - when I climbed over the top of the railing to get in to the hotel's property when we all forgot our keys that night! I was talking to myself, coaxing myself around the security bars when Carol stopped on the little bridge that went over the pool to her and Kate's room, hearing me talking to myself. She said "What the hell are you doing?". The same question could be asked as I clung to the top of the cherry tree, refusing to give up the bowl of cherries in exchange for my safety.

It was all quite funny! I braced the ladder by holding a branch to prevent it from falling any further. Then I SLID down the ladder in slow motion with my bowl in tow, step by step. As I neared the bottom, I had to let go of the branch and then jump to the ground. Only a few cherries spilled out of the bowl as I landed and the ladder fell a bit and then rested on another big branch.

I fixed up the ladder and took my bowl inside, thankful that I made it down safely. It wasn't all that dangerous, to be honest. I would have only fallen about 10 feet, if I had fallen down. It did seem much higher when I was up there though. Much, much higher!

I won't do that again, even if it was only 10 feet! Next time, I'll stop, climb down and MOVE THE LADDER, instead of reaching so far. That would ultimately make it much easier.

I can see in other parts of my life, where I "reach too far...when I could easily move the ladder" in a metaphorical sense! Sometimes, I make life more difficult, get in my own way, try to force something (anything) and sort of "bend over backwards" in certain, situations, expending time and energy in the wrong places, when really, I should just simply "move the ladder"....re-adjust, modify, change and be more intentional in what I am doing. Trying to push, force or "stretch" is great in many ways...but not in all situations. Not at all. In those situations, it might be better to let go, even take a step back or move "the ladder" (to another part of the tree or to a different treee) all together...

Today, I had a fabulous day, out with Mel picking paint colours for the basement that I'm going to rent out in "Vacation Rentals By Owner", going to the hostel for the evening to help with one of the busiest weekends of the summer and contemplating the silly ladder experience of yesterday!

What I know for sure as I get ready for bed...
1. I am blessed.
2. I will be even more blessed if I have patience.
3. We are all blessed when we listen to our intuition to know when to reach and when to move the ladder...in the cherry tree and in life.

Mom, I love you. Thank you for being out there in the cherry tree with me (in spirit!) yesterday! And for getting me to the ground safely!

I love you,
Crystal

Being understood.

Mom, thank you.
Thank you for knowing just what to say. Even in a two minute conversation, you make all the difference. Thank you. All you said was "I can see how you could feel that way." That was enough. It was all I needed. Thanks Mom.

Well, as you can see, squeezing in a full work-week is a little tough with my new part time job beckoning!

After teaching today, Gwen and I chopped rhubarb and visited! Then, I went to the hostel for a staff meeting with 2 huge bowls of cherries to give to the customers and staff. And, after coming home, I pitted cherries (yes..."p" like peter) and made rhubarb cherry crumble. We'll see how it turns out.

There are a LOT of cherries in the trees!

I've invited the neighbours over to take what they want and I've taken bowl after bowl to the hostel. I am in awe (total and complete awe) every step I take in the backyard. The flowers, fruit, everything! The effort that Anne (the prevous owner) put into the garden is so evident. While I am temporarily overwhelmed, I'm so excited about the new lifestyle that it demands. So very excited. And grateful. I lose track of time out there. An hour goes by in a heartbeat! Not good when it's 6am and then I am almost late for work today!

Mom, thanks for the 2 minute conversation and timeless feeling of being understood.
You mean the world to me.
I love you,
Crystal

Proud and grateful. Confident and humble.

Happy Canada Day!
I am very proud and grateful to be Canadian. I'm also confident and humbled because of my nationality.

Mom, here are a few photos from the fireworks to celebrate Canada Day that I took tonight. I sat on the dock, down the way, and took photos of the fabulous fireworks. It was a lovely night. So many people out with their families, having fun, taking photos and watching the fireworks.

Feeling proud and grateful at the same time is wonderful. Confident and humble at the same time, too. A perfect balance.

Like you, Mom...proud and grateful, confident and humble at the same time...a wonderful balance and way of being...that you have shared with your family.

Your balance of these things has taught me so much.

When I'm out of balance - in either direction - it's not good. Too much confidence or pride...leads me to be impatient and demanding. Too much insecurity or too much gratitude (feeling thankful for whatever reason (in excess) is really feeling "not good enough" in a sense).

Imbalance always leads to inner turmoil and stress for me. So, it's a balance of all of these things that I strive for...and as I watch the fireworks tonight, I felt it. Proud, confident yet grateful and humble, doing something that I love (photography), thinking about all the great things going on in my life...and in the few areas that are not near-perfect; praying that I get out of my own way and allow life to unfold as it's meant to.

I love you,
Crystal

Learn something new...

Mom,
I am so excited I can hardly stand it! I'm taking tango lessons - starting next Monday.
It's time to learn something new.

I'm pretty sure that you love dancing, Mom and probably didn't get a chance to do enough of it in the past. Me neither. It's time. When I come home this summer, we're going to turn the sun room at the beach into a dance floor.
;)
I can hardly wait!
Love you,
Crystal
PS Happy Canada Day!
Do you remember when you were here 12 years ago for Canada Day and we drove downtown (in our dirty paint-clothes) and stood on the street corner as people raced by in their cars with Canada Flags blowing in the wind, honking their horns? It was a moment I'll never forget! I sure love all the great memories we've had. This is one of my favourite's. The other is driving to Sun Peaks in that big white van (going over the bridge!). I wonder what it would have been like to be your friend when you were growing up...we would have had a ton of fun, I'm sure...dancing, doing things we never thought we could do and more!