We're all going through "things" at one point or another and I felt so honoured that this particular friend chose to call me. Partly b/c I just feel so blessed that people would want to confide in me. Partly b/c I think I made a little difference to this person at a time when they needed it.
So, when my friend called, I listened for a while, tried to understand the situation and then shared some wisdom...wisdom that I know has come from my mother!
This is some of what I shared. General thoughts. But important wisdom that I know is timeless. I had to write down what came out of my mouth during our conversation b/c I said to myself, "hey Crystal...write this stuff down...you're going to need to read it sometime when you're having a difficult moment."
Mom, thanks for what you taught me:
= Whatever it is...it's not really about what it seems to be about. The current situation is likely just the symptom or catalyst right now...for something deeper. If it wasn’t this issue right now...it would probably be something else.
= we're all doing the very best they can...if the other person could do better...they would. They simply don’t know how. And sometimes...neither do we.
= We might feel like the ‘gong show child’ now and then...but really, everybody else feels the same way, too, at one point or another. (FYI: Being the "Gong Show Child" is like thinking "OMG, when will I get my life together!" It's just another term for "Hmmmm....my life might be a tad out of control at the moment.")
= we are never, ever, totally alone. There is always someone to reach out to. We just have to make the first step to reach out...
= in the right environment, with the right friends, there is no judgement. None.
= and with the right people beside us, we can get through anything.
= whatever it is...it's "temporary". This, too, shall pass.
= God wouldn’t give this to you to deal with right now if He didn't think you couldn’t handle it...and when you see only one set of footprints, you know what happened.
= this is one great big, fabulous, awesome learning opportunity!
= we can't force anyone to do anything or to think a certain way...just as they can’t force us... it all just goes back to the fact that everyone is just doing the best they can...
= stimulus and response...it's a basic concept but has the power to change lives! If we can try to not “react” to the situation...but to think about it clearly, slowly and create some awareness about: the real truth of the situation (that it has nothing to do with what it seems to be about) and also create some awareness about ourselves:our own beliefs, values, feelings, etc....Then we can begin to ‘act’ clearly and intentionally and not react....to things.
= Make sure the other person knows that you loves them and that your actions are not to “get back” at them for anything...but rather to simply live your life in the best way possible for you...after all, it's your life.
= When people try to control a situation or other people, they do this sometimes when they are out of control themselves...and don’t know how to deal with that so they just deflect and focus on something else so they don’t have to deal with themselves or their own issues.
= I try not to allow drama or negativity into my life. If it causes drama...it shouldn't be in my life. If it causes excitement...that's a completely different thing. It's good to know the difference b/c sometimes drama can look (momentarily) like excitement.
= We’re all insecure and just want to be loved, appreciated, validated and cared about...ourselves...and that other person.
= At the end of our conversation, I shared a story about my mom and a boy I dated in highschool. I was in grade 9 or 10. He was in grade 11 or 12. He was a football star (in our school) and he was popular. I was young. I wanted to be liked and wanted to be part of the "in" crowd. My mom didn't like him. But she didn't forbid me from seeing him. She told me she didn't approve and left it at that. Well, within a month or two, I realized that we didn't have that much in common, after all, and we parted ways. But if my mom had forbade me from dating him, I'm sure I would have rebelled and dated him just b/c I "couldn't".
Mom...thank you so much for the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them! Thank you so much for being such an incredible parent!
So...at the end of the day.... if we can can realize that whatever the arguement seems to be about - it's not. It's really about something deeper and more meaningful. If we can keep our environment (around us and within us) positive, if we can hold people to a higher standard and have faith that people will rise to it, if we can give people freedom to make their own choices without feeling pressured or threatened or controlled, and if we can express ourselves honestly without reacting but with love, if we can remind ourselves that we're all just doing the very best we can and if we can see that we all want the same things...to be loved, appreciated, validated and recognized for who we really are...then whatever it is that's blowing our world up....won't seem sooo overwhelming.
Mom - thanks for all your wisdom.
Living intentionally today was about listening, being available, reasurring and sharing what you taught me.
thank you.
love you,
crystal
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