"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Carl Jung
The following idea of feeling two kinds of "tiredness" came to me tonight as I lay on the floor, completely tired, physically and mentally, yet so happy at the same time. When I read this quote (above), it was easy to understand how and why I feel these different kinds of fatigue at different times - when I am looking into my heart or outside of it... truly awake or simply dreaming.
There are two kinds of tired...and every day, we're probably feeling one or the other...
Both feel the same physically (or at least similar), but radically different, emotionally and mentally. In following my vision or calling, or not, I'm feeling one of these kinds of "tired" every day.
Mom, I'm certain you felt both of these kinds of tired, on a daily basis...although I hope that you felt more (much more) of the first kind...
The first kind of tiredness or fatigue is created by looking into our hearts and followng that path until we're so tired that we fall into bed at night, exhausted...happy...alive...inspired...with our spirit awakened!
The second kind of fatigue is created by looking outside our hearts, perhaps into other places like our mind, the world around us, other people, various demands or expectations (self-imposed or otherwise)...and all of these things are very connected to us in ways, but not connected to our hearts (our spirit) at all. This kind of mental and physical fatigue is something I can easily recognize now...and it happens when I'm not creating anything new, reading, writing, taking photos, exercising, (or dancing), etc..things like that....when I'm not looking into and/or living from my heart....when I'm not following my vision.
During these times, I'm not awake! I'm only dreaming.
Today, I had the kind of day, where I didn't just look into my heart, following my vision...I jumped into it, shared the best of me, and looked through my heart from the moment I woke up this morning, visiting and having coffee with Gwen, until now, as I'm about to fall into bed, exhausted! I woke up early to make sure Gwen's birthday sign was still looking good on the window and then she came over for an early morning coffee! I'm also cramming for the Ironman right now, so, after having coffee with Gwen, I went biking for a few hours, up and down Knox Mountain a few times. It was a fabulous ride. Then, an hour long run after that, followed by the biggest omelet I've ever made and then i just had to lay down for a bit before going to the hostel briefly and dancing for 3 hours tonight, not to mention the DQ Blizzard that I was supposed to be sharing but ate most of! It was a gorgeous day from start to finish, and what made it so, was that I was completely true to my heart. All day. You know, there were things I wanted and asked for, that I didn't get, but it didn't matter, because all that mattered was that I was truly awake. I did work a tiny bit at the hostel and that was amazing (we are having the best year ever and the team is second to none)! I'll have to work all day tomorrow, since I didn't today. Today, while working and as I took time for the other , un-work-related things that I had to do...I was surrounded by amazing people, completely true to my heart, following my own vision or path, looking into my heart, not outside of it!
As I fall asleep tonight, I clearly see that being fully awake instead of only dreaming, feels pretty fabulous. Of course I have big dreams and aspirations, but that's not what I mean through my comparison btwn being awake and dreaming.
Mom, I sure hope that you felt the good kind of tired as we were all growing up. I'm sure there were times when you were awake, looking into your heart, and I'm sure there were lots of times when all you could do was dream. You must have been exhausted...with 10 kids and a business on the go...I can't imagine what that must have been like...but I truly hope that as you fell into bed at night, it was a good kind of exhausted. As you woke up every day then, and as you do now, beside Don, I am sure that you wake up, looking into your heart and feeling so fully awake, b/c you're not dreaming.
I'm so happy that these past years have been so wonderful for you Mom.
And thank you for leading your life within your heart and not outside of it, and being an example of that for all of us.
Love you,
Crystal
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