An introduction to yourself.

I read a great quote by Jim Kouzes that said, "Adversity introduces us to ourselves."

If this is true, then, yesterday out on the Ironman bike route, I momentarily met myself. Most of the ride was fabulous. Sunny. Tailwinds. Rolling hills. Even up Richter Pass, I felt fabulous. But then, during the 4th hour, with a HUGE headwind, the darkest rainclouds looming ahead and lightening striking in the distance, I became totally silent. On the outside. But inside, the conversation going on was not quiet.

Did I mention the wind!?

And then it started to rain.

Inside, I contemplated options - hitch a ride if the rain gets worse. Wait out the rain and lightening if it doesn't stop. And what about the wind. What happens if it's even worse as we turn right at the Keremeos Fruit Stand with 45km still to go? And that 7km Yellow Lake climb after Keremeos isn't something to forget about either.

I thought about my lack of training. Wondered why I was even doing this. I went on and on, in my head, about the upcoming race, the self-doubt, the fatigue...

All this doubt and confusion is definitely part of "me" and we had a lengthy conversation in the rain and headwinds with tired legs...

It reminded me of the Ironman race I did in Australia...where the same things were running through my mind. This photo taken there says it all. It was one of the lowest, most difficult moments I've ever had in 7 IM races thus far. I'm grateful that Amelie snapped this photo b/c it reminds me of who I am...the challenges that I've gone through and how life doesn't always come easy.

And that silver lining of those deep, dark moments....the gift that we receive when going through them...I love those moments too.

Yesterday, just like in that race, somewhere out there on the road, we meet our darker selves...and also our inner light...

Yesterday, I also met that other part of "me"...that blinding inner light that I've come to actually embrace and acknowledge without (so much) apology.


(Just like these moments in the Hawaii Ironman race a couple years ago.... moments of pure joy...that really say, "I've been to hell today...it's 41 degrees Celsius, there have been headwinds that never ended...and I'm back! Let's get the party started! It's time to celebrate!)

FYI: celebrate = yay...we get to get off the bike and start that 42.2km marathon!

This other part of me reminds myself of where I've come from...who I really am at my center...it helps me to discover what's possible...what I'm capable of...what I'm made of...hope, commitment, conviction, strength, humility, courage...

And that's the way I think it works...adversity introduces us to all aspects of ourselves - the good, the bad, and everything in between. And without the worry, fear and doubt, we wouldn't get to know the inner confidence and courage that we all hold within us!

My friend Pete wrote me a poem when he left to go back to England in 2001, as I was training for my first race. This is an excerpt from it. It's true, not only in training for an Ironman race, but it's also a metaphor for life, in general.

"Somewhere out there, on the road, our lives will change forever. We will have suffered more completely...yet triumphed more greatly...than we ever dreamed possible."

Without suffering or challenges, I don't think there's any triumph or celebration!

Mom, thanks for the tailwinds that were present for parts of the ride yesterday...and for the little lessons that I learned in the headwinds.
You are, as always, the wind beneath my wings.
Love you,
Crystal