When's "enough" enough?

The past couple months have been enlightening, to say the least.

Moving to the new house has been a catalyst for change.

Big changes.
Wanted changes.
Needed changes.

It's almost like moving and the new house has sort of saved me from myself...and I can't even articulate why or how this has all happened or what exactly has changed.

I just know I've changed.

And I guess in some way, the new house gave me the opportunity to say "Enough's enough!"

So, when is enough enough?
I guess my answer is "now".

Mom, you've asked this question many times in the pas and I can hear your voice in my ears a I write and think about your question. Only now, it doesn't pertain to some silly, trivial thing like when we were kids...it's about my life and how I'm living it as an adult.

I've been "thinking" that enough's enough for a long time now...(years actually)...but I was only 'thinking' this...it wasn't really "enough" inside. I wanted it to be enough; to change but I wasn't ready; I wasn't really able to get out of the busy, fast-paced life I'd been living. And for whatever reason, enough wasn't quite enough.

Until now.

The new house; a place I know that I've been led to, and feel so at home it's like I've lived here for years, has given me the greatest gift.

I can't define what that gift is except to say that it's the gift of "enough".

I was reviewing my financial situation tonight. The Edmonton condo has sold! That little monkey (mortgage) is off my back. Gone! Erased! And the interim financing too! Yay! One down, one to go. Now it's on to the other house! It has not sold. Luckily a wonderful friend is moving into the house, Mom, so part of the mortgage will be paid by revenue. I think I'm going to paint the exterior of it with the hope that it will sell better. Or sell at all. (I'll think about it for now and make a decision after the Ironman race.) The VRBO will be ready to go after Kate and Garth come/go as well, so that's perfect! I'm installing that carpet on the patio this weekend....will let you know how it goes. Cross your fingers!

(Measure once-cut twice...or is it the other way around? :)

So, anyway, Mom, I finally think I get it! When's enough enough? I think I know the answer. My answer. And I think it's now.

For the first time, (that I can remember), I don't want to go...anywhere. I don't feel I have anything to prove. I am just happy. Right here. Sure, I have lots of reasons to be happy, some of which I can't wait to talk to you about, but in other ways, I'm just seemingly happy for little to no reason.

There's so many things not going quite right for me...yet so many things going so very right.

Things that aren't going right - Well, the house has not sold, for starters, and I'm not doing very good on my one treat/week plan or my 6-pack summer, and my training for the IM isn't really what it could be, and I could be more organized, my house could be more moved in, the old house could be repainted and the yard redone, the new house could be renovated in just about every room of the house and to be quite honest, I need a major hair-cut/style. And that's just off the top of my head...

But there is so much going right, that makes me realize that enough's enough, right here, right now.

I never knew how great it would be to live next to Gwen. Or the responsibility I'd feel to a bunch of fruit trees. Or the miracles that happened over the past couple months while pulling weeds, listening to Anne, opening up my heart in many ways, taking a risk and stretching myself financially to carry 4 properties while working less, and through listening to my inner voice and letting it guide me (instead of second-guessing and doubting it). Yes, these things and more have made all the difference. I've always had faith, but always tried to control life and most situations, at the same time. I'm realizing that it doesn't work that way. Faith doesn't work that way. That's not faith. (I think that's what they call doubt.) But I can see now that my faith is stronger than i ever knew, having found myself in certain situations and places that I don't (or didn't) understand, yet I'm perfectly comfortable here. In every way.

I also realize that "enough's enough" in other ways. If I'm in an environment, which I have been, that's not serving me or good for me, enough's enough! It's time to go. It was time (long overdue actually) to slow down, not work so much and change my lifestyle yet I didn't change it, until now. When's enough enough?

There's still some things I'm working on...that I have not yet gotten to, like that 6 pack or playing the guitar better or, or, or....

But, enough is enough and that's all I need to know.

I'm so excited about my life right now, and these realizations that my vision and plan to slow down is actually coming to fruition. Finding myself in the middle of creating the most beautiful paradise here that's good for my spirit and soul has been life-changing...and who knows where it will lead...but I have faith that I'm on my right path and that it will lead somewhere amazing b/c I'm not consumed and concerned with not being, doing or having enough anymore.

Love you, Mom.
your #8.
Crystal

PS where are you? I've been trying to call you and can't get a hold of you. ;)