No mask required

Hi Mom,
As I reflect on today, I am completely perplexed at the range of moments and emotions that I experienced. This morning I did a speech for our local Junior Chamber Regional (BC and Yukon) annual conference. I did well. Really well, I think. Just me. No powerpoint or projector. Just me. It felt good!

I felt honoured to be invited to speak to an organization that has honestly given me so much over my 15 years as a member. (It's this women's leadership group Mom, where I did that speaking competition years ago.)

Anyway, then I did some errands and met a girl from SK (who is Carrie Dedecker's daughter's friend). She's moving out here and doesn't know anyone in Kelowna...and she met me on FB (facebook)...so we met and chatted about her schooling and moving to Kelowna).

That was also great...and spending a bit of time at the hostel was awesome too, but then, for some reason, later in the afternoon, I just became irritable. For no reason. Totally irritable. Totally no reason. It was odd! I was perplexed. I still am.

Even after going to a Junior Chamber dinner and party, I am still surprised by my "irritation for no reason" mood. It's sort of gone now but I'm still a bit "off".


What I do know is this: No mask required.
It's OK just to be me. I'll accept whatever it is that I'm supposed to be feeling...and allow myself to feel it. Not happy all the time. A little "off" once in a while. And tonight, tonight I think I'm feeling lonely.

Yes. I feel lonely tonight. Scotia must know b/c she won't leave me alone and is purring louder than a diesel engine. Even when I'm lonely, I can't help but feel so loved. How lucky am I.

There's a poem that I found by Rumi that we gave out on the Retreat, that hits home for me tonight:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

Morning will bring a brand new day. Mom, that's what you've taught me...to allow myself to feel whatever I am supposed to feel (no mask required) and then, to have hope for a brighter day tomorrow.
Thank you.
Love you,
Crystal