I can't see them, but I can feel them.

When something isn't quite right or when something needs attention...there are usually warning signs...red flags.

The seat-belt buzzer goes off when we're not buckled in.
The oven timer goes off when my world-famous cookies are finished baking.(Well..actually YOUR world-famous cookies...it's your recipe, Mom.)
The water in my bathtub or sink goes out the safety drain and doesn't overflow.
My guitar tuner flashes red...until I've tuned it correctly and then the green light appears.

These are just little signs or red flags. The greatest of all "red flags" is not so much what I see or hear...it's how I feel.

Mom, I did not bite his head off. I didn't go. I was to meet my mortgage broker today at 1:00pm to sign off on the mortgage and commit to the broker that I will use them for the contract. By noon I was feeling sort of sick. Not physically but in my gut. That unsettled, uneasy feeling. I knew "something" wasn't right, but I could not identify it with exact clarity.

As I was doing my last-minute preparation and getting ready to leave to do a few errands and go see the broker, I decided to email them and ask again for an answer to a question that I had asked several times before but had not gotten an answer on. The polite "I don't want to make waves." and "I really don't like confrontation." side of me figured I would just deal with things and didn't want to get into a discussion with the broker, especially since I did bite his head off the other day (which I apologized for several times today on the phone). I figured that the interest rate was so low, it would all work out. I wanted a "home LOC", not a conventional mortgage and he never got back to me on this, even after a few emails.

I just could not shake that uneasy, unsettled feeling inside of me. I decided to look objectively at the situation...look at the logical facts only...not be swayed by my annoyance and frustration with the lack of clarity, the 6 days they were having email issues and couldn't receive a basic file from my realtor, not answering my questions, etc....

I reviewed all the email and correspondence we had had.

It was then that I noticed the initial letter of offer for the mortgage. I had not opened the file b/c we had discussed it's contents on the phone...I opened it and realized that it was not even my information. It was information on someone else (a LOT of personal information), perhaps a different client. The broker had sent me the wrong letter of offer. I'm not sure where my letter of offer was...but this was not my letter.

Mistakes happen. But not this many. It was just too much.

It all became clear to me in that instant.

In my gut, I didn't trust this person's credibility or ability. I was worried that something was going to go side-ways in my dealings and I feared that I'd lose the house b/c the financing was not arranged properly and in time for my possession date.

In that moment, I made a commitment to me - to honour how I feel and honour the red flags that my intuition had been throwing to me.

I emailed the broker and said I could not meet him and we subsequently had a conversation on the phone about all the things that led to my decision.

Immediately, that feeling of calm, drama-free ease came over me. The sick feeling in my stomach was gone.

Immediately.

It was astounding.

Tonight, as Scotia and I get ready for bed, after baking a birthday cake for someone at the hostel and smile about the afternoon spent with Gwen at her work...along with the clarity gained today, not by "seeing" red flags in my life, but rather by "feeling" them, I am reminded, yet again, that there just might be angels all around me...on a daily basis...watching over and guiding me along this journey called life.

My necklace says "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." I have an inspirational ring that says "commitment" that I wear as well to remind me that I need to be committed to me...and my dreams.

Mom, today was a great reminder to simply pay attention to all the red flags I see, feel and hear....and to only act on what "feels" right insde my gut.

You have the best sense of intuition of anyone I know. Today, thank you for lending me these gifts of yours...and thank you for sending all these angels my way...I can't see them but I can certainly feel their presence.

Love Crystal