Courage doesn't always roar.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the tiny voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow".
(Mary Anne Radmacher)

Today, I found myself sitting in front of a very amazing, brilliant and special friend. I am so grateful that my friend called upon me today when she needed someone to talk to. We had the most wonderful conversation filled with topics of perfection, self-acceptance, being vulnerable and courage.

We talked about how striving for perfection and wanting others to "think we have it all together" was exhausting. I know this b/c, until about 4 years ago, I have lived that facade of wanting everyone to think I was perfect. God, it WAS exhausting! It sucked the joy right out of me. I am learning that life is more about having "courage" than being perfect.

My mom illustrated that...perfectly...a few years ago when she had a stroke. Due to some medical complications, she had a stroke and had to re-learn her speech, thought processing and even how to do basic things in their boat. It must have been so frustrating b/c prior to the stroke, my mom functioned at a pace that made me look slow. But she took things day by day, vented when she needed to and I'm certain she heard that tiny voice inside that said, "I will try again tomorrow".
I love this photo, taken after Mom's stroke, when they were able to get back out on the water.
I learned, the hard way, that life isn't perfect.
When my marriage ended many years ago, I moved from our big house into a small basement suite of a friend's home. The feeling of failure lasted for years.

Then there was the Ironman race that I didn't quite finish, collapsing just 10km to the finish line and fainting in the ambulance. Thankfully, the feeling of failure only lasted a few days.

I've made so many mistakes and done so many things imperfectly in my life, but I am constantly reminded that all I can be, and all I really need to be is "me". Even this week, if I could have a "do over", I'd probably do just that. And, not to mention the fact that my 90 day workbook is still not done or that I accidentally had a bite of rice crispy cake yesterday, followed by 2 more not-accidental bites, which goes totally against my "no treat/chocolate" commitment for January. But, that's just life. I just have to move on (and as Mark LeBlanc says, "reset my counter to zero") and try again tomorrow.

Mom, thanks for not caring if we brought home A's or B's in school. Thanks for not caring when I crashed my car, failed that university stat's class (twice) or got those speeding tickets. You didn't care about any of that...all you cared about was if we told the truth, tried our best and were good to one another. That was all that mattered.

So, as I write this, still feeling so honoured that my friend wanted to spend an hour with me, I am again reminded that the more vulnerable, real, honest, im-perfect and courageous I can be, without defensiveness and walls around me, the more...perfect... life will actually be.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the tiny voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow".