My mom used to ask this question a lot to my sisters and I when we were growing up and got ourselves into some sort of dilemma or trouble. Lets be honest. It's not really a question. It's rhetorical. I found that out the hard way, when I tried to answer it with something witty, funny or with justification.
There was the time I rear-ended a car b/c I was reaching down to pick up a pack of smarties that had fallen on the floor in front of the passenger seat, or the time, when I was 16, that I took the greyhound bus to see my boyfriend (who lived in the next town 30 minutes away) because my mom wouldn't let me drive the car since it was -35 degrees Celsius. But then, his car didn't start, so I was stranded on the side of the highway b/c the bus didn't turn in on the gravel road to the town 1km in from the highway, not to mention that I had to look sooo cool, so I didn't wear my big parka or ugly winter boots...instead, I had to wear my "cool" (in every definition of the word) winter jacket and little shoes...and walk to the nearest farmhouse, freezing my butt off! (The lady (a mom) at the farmhouse was not impressed but she did let me warm up inside and borrow her phone.)
Oh, there were so many times I can recall that begged the question, "What, pray tell, were you thinking?" Tonight is one of those times.
Tonight, I ask myself this same question, "What, pray tell, was I thinking?" What could I have possibly been thinking when I started baking cookies tonight for my staff at the hostel and my little sister? I have never, ever, ever, ever in my life baked a batch of cookies without having 2 or 3 or maybe more. Until tonight!
Yes, I know the night is young. Don't remind me. But, seriously, I am in shock that I have not had any cookies yet. I figure the worst is over because they are almost cool, from being in the oven, so I can package them up and seal the zip lock bags with tape! Then, I'll be safe.
I have to say, that with each passing minute, my conviction and strength in my decision just gets stronger and, actually, as I write this, I'm very confident that I'm gonna make it! Not only through the night but also through the month of no chocolate or treats. (Yes, I know the month is young, too.)
It's not really about chocolate or treats or not using plastic bags. It's about being committed to something, being committed to me. And even though it's only been two weeks in this little project (and only 3 days without treats), it feels good. I feel good. And that feels great!
Mom,
I don't know what I was thinking tonight, as I whipped up a batch of my favourite cookies, but you would be proud, knowing that your question still leaves me pondering, thinking, growing, learning and just being a little more intentional every day. Love you. Crystal
PS Mom, I think Dr. Phil stole your question b/c he uses it all the time on TV. :)
...2 hours later.
Whew! I'm going to bed! We made it! Goodnight.
Sweet (cookie filled) dreams.
4 comments:
You can do it Crystal and subconsciously you just wanted to test yourself. It's better to do this at the begining of the month than in the middle, but it wouldn't matter anyway - because you are a very strong determined woman - and once you put your mind to it - it gets done. Good job tonight!!!
Jewel,
Thank you for that! I sure did not feel very strong or determined when I had my hands in the cookie batter or as I put little mounds of cookie dough on the pan! I was so sad b/c I thought I couldn't make the cookies without having at least one. But once they were in the oven, I sort of turned it into a challenge or game. You are right, I was testing myself. I never realized it. Thank you so much for sharing your insight. I really appreciate that - more than you know. Thank you!
"What were you thinking," can be more accurately phrased as "why weren't you thinking like I think?" More often than not, when we ask this question, we do so because we are different than the person we are asking. We think differently, percieve differently, have different personalities, experiences, education, and feelings.
Were it not for those "what were you thinking" moments, we would never grow as individuals. Viva la differance!
Jim,
I loved what you wrote in terms of "we think differently, perceive differently, have different personalities, etc." So true!
If we all thinked alike, life would be very, very boring.
When we were young, I think we just didn't think sometimes, which prompted the question....I am thinking a lot about my mom every day as I write on the blog (or when I am thinking about what I'm going to write about) and I laugh out loud at all the silly, often stupid things we did when we were young. Having 9 brothers and sisters, we got into a fair bit of "good trouble". (Not really bad trouble, just fun trouble.)
Our mom has seen it ALL, I think! I sure hope she likes this blog. I think she's going to laugh a lot! thank you for writing and for keeping in touch!
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