What am I afraid of?
Good question. I would like to say "I don't know." (Or "nothing") but that would be the easy way out. A cop-out. A lie. Whenever I say those words, "I don't know", I know that I just don't want to think, feel or do the hard work to figure it out. I say those words when I want to be lazy and live by default and not by intention.
So...what am I afraid of? To be honest, I'm afraid of what it would really be like to let my light shine. Now, I know that I already do shine pretty brightly, yet I know that there is so much more potential inside of me. I think we've all got more potential inside of us. I think we're all probably afraid to let our light shine, afraid of reaching our potential, living as brightly as possible, valuing our worth...because, doing that leads to a certain responsibility. A responsibility to then live that potential. That would be amazing...and scary.
I love Marianne Williamson's quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This quote speaks to me on such a deep level because it goes straight to my heart, to my soul and to the truth. It give me hope, courage and helps me get a tiny bit closer to the edge of that cliff to take the plunge...to let my light shine brightly. Today, I went to get my haircut and my hairdresser, Ken, who is an extraordinary conversationalist, was telling me a story of how he asked himself the question, "Is that the best you can do?". Great question. His answer was "no".
The question then becomes, "What are you going to do about that?"
Tonight, I ask myself the same question "Is that the best I an do? Is that the best I've got to give?" No, it's not. But, I'm doing the best I can. Writing this blog for almost a month now is ensuring that.
I think we are all doing the best we can. That is enough. And maybe, if we keep asking the question, "Is this the best you can do?", not with an eye of criticism but, rather, encouragement and hope, we'll get closer to an answer of "yes".
I know of a number of people who are saying yes! As the turmoil continues in Haiti, I know that Paul Farmer, founder of Partners In Health, is there. A book is written about his life, by Tracy Kidder, and it embodies the question, not "what are you afraid of", but rather, it's about letting your light shine and rising to that potential...and then asking "What are you going to do about it?".
It's an extraordinary book. One of my favourite. I've researched on the internet today and CNN among many other news links are all indicating that Partners in Health is one of the best places to donate to if people would like to support the relief work in Haiti right now b/c they've been there for years and have more resources and infrastructure already set up than other NGO's.
Mom, thank you for always asking the very best questions. For making me think. For helping me see that what I am most afraid of has a great big lesson and gift in it, when I take the plunge and move through it
Mom, one more thing: you truly are brilliant gorgeous, talented and fabulous. love Crystal
Ken - you're brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous, too. Thanks for the asking the question, "Is that the best you can do?" and for the great haircut.
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